Slate's 10th Anniversary

The Kim Delaney Memorial Fund

Is Monica really fatter than usual? I couldn’t tell. Even if she is, I still think she’s bootknockingly bootylicious. Can I say that? I just don’t get the sense she’s put on the pounds. She hasn’t lost any pounds, that’s for sure. I should have gone on that stake-out outside the Mayflower Sunday, to assess this issue for The Breakfast Table. Do you think we should do more reporting for The Breakfast Table than we’ve done, which is none at all? Do we get a travel budget?

Sorry to hear about your diet. Are you trying to tell me you’re going to be called to testify before the Senate? Wow. Can I come and watch? Maybe if you testify you can get out of jury duty.

Now that I know you’re Jewish, and that you’re testifying in the trial of William Jefferson Orlean Clinton, I’m putting you on my list as a potential anti-Christ. I realize you’re a woman, but I’m going to take the Reform position on this and institute gender-equality in my search.

I have a comment for you in re: the awful juxtaposition of the Sierra Leone story and the article on the hand transplant, and you’re going to hear it whether you want to or not: Africa’s problems aren’t insoluble, it’s just that the world doesn’t possess the will to solve them. The entire war in Sierra Leone, which I had the pleasure of briefly covering, could be stopped by 70 Marines, 50 Foreign Legionnaires and eight Israeli paratroopers. But who wants to spend resources or risk lives for the sake of African civilians? Now if they would just send us some pictures of starving little Sierra Leonian street urchins, maybe we could do something, like send dried fruit and crackers.

Alright, rant said.

I miss Kim Delaney.