The Breakfast Table

The Big Bang


Well, it’s obvious that Ken Starr isn’t gonna get a restaurant recommendation from either of us if he comes to town. And I don’t think I will ever forget the image of you gals running around in Joan and David shoes feeding that bonfire of the laptops. (Do they still make Joan and David shoes? I may be obviating carbon dating here for those who wonder when I was last involved with a woman who thought shoes were really, really important).

This morning’s papers are full of interesting stuff, as is their wont, but it’s hard not to dwell on the impeachment inquiry vote. Is it possible that Washington is a kind of black hole of hypocrisy? You know, a super-dense space from which no hypocrisy can possible escape? I am moved to these cosmic musings in part by news that the Hubble Space Telescope (named for the great patriot and legal scholar Webster Hubbell by someone who couldn’t spell) has captured “early light from the galactic dawn of the universe,” according to John Noble Wilford in the New York Times. This business of photographing the beginning of the universe has me completely puzzled. I mean, just where is the universe? No one has ever been able to explain this to me. And what was there before it began? Was there some compact, walkable, prelapsarian galaxy that existed before all this universal sprawl set in? I guess it’s easy to imagine a bored, bearded figure, kinda like Charlton Heston before his infatuation with guns, who decides to set the whole thing in motion the way the rest of us turn on the TV, but that seems too easy. There’s likelier to be a Satan than a God, it seems to me, and I know Voltaire was with me on this. Asked on his deathbed to renounce the devil, he refused. “This is no time to be making new enemies!” he said.

Lisa, I too am bereft that this is our last day together, so much so that I pledge to you never to read another newspaper, lest I spoil the memory of our time together. And I will speak to my wife about becoming the father of your twins, although I’m sure this will be no problem. She’s really understanding about these things. (Louise, if you’re reading this, I want you to listen to me; I did not have an affair with that woman, Miss DePaulo! When her Visa bill becomes public and you find out how much sushi she’s been buying, everything will become clear!)