The Breakfast Table

And then I rolled over and said, “Michael?’

Dan, dear, So the noise that woke me up at 4 a.m. was just a cute needy little guy without a lot of hair screaming cause it was his turn? And here I thought I was dreaming of Michael Kinsley.

I know I’m supposed to say that I fully expected the Impeachment vote, but I can’t fucking believe this. Or in the words of Peter Jennings, “If that ain’t history, I don’t know what is.” Even Sam looked human on the White House lawn tonight, when he reported that the president was “eating dinner alone … on this”–dramatic pause–“the darkest day so far of his presidency.” My favorite take so far on the real pig, Kenneth Starr, was Rebecca Mead’s brilliant “Talk of the Town” that so eloquently made the point that only one person sexually exploited Monica: “He ransacks her computer. He rifles through her closet … and he compels her, in her grand jury testimony, to speak with a specificity somewhere between the pornographic and the gynecological.” Exactly. I agree that an excorcism is exactly what is needed here. Remind me to kiss up to my Jesuit friends.

The releasing of Monica’s shrinks’ testimony was even scarier than The Exorcist. Not that I have to worry, of course. But I can tell you that I–along with most of my single female friends over the age of 35 (which is all of them)–am still recovering from the news that e-mail never really disappears. For months now, we’ve been spending our Saturday nights incinerating our old laptops and hard drives, and swearing to each other that we will back each other up (deny, deny, deny) should any of our missives, to old losers in particular, ever slip through the cracks.

But let’s talk about something cheery. Don’t miss this week’s People. In her new book, Family Outing, Chastity Bono reveals the tender moment when she first came out to her mother. Cher, that model of decorum and family values, reportedly “flipped out” and threw her out of the house. This from a woman who found it perfectly acceptable to have children with Gregg Allmann. Speaking of the Bono clan, I probably shouldn’t admit this either, but I was totally impressed with the newly-brunette Republican Representative Mary Bono’s performance the other night on Larry King Live. I was not expecting much, being as last I saw her was on the Funeral Channel, MSNBC, after Sonny’s demise, and, like a doormat, she sat there and let Cher hog the whole show. (The woman trashed him for 20 years! And you let her give the eulogy?!) But the other night, with Larry, the widow Mary was poised and sensible and much smarter than I expected. Of course, this could have something to do with the fact that she is no longer blonde.

Oh, Dan, I can’t believe that tomorrow will be our last day together. And I haven’t even gotten around to asking you to father my twins.

Love, Lisa