The Breakfast Table

Rise and . . . Cry?

Hey Beam:

This getting up in the morning isn’t half bad. As for the new day, it ain’t so good for our brethren in the former Soviet Union. (Bet they wish they weren’t so former.) Anyway, if you leave out the ghost of Princess Past, the big story is Russia. My heart goes out to those people. They are Duma’d for sure. The protests are heating up; throngs are demonstrating against “policy.” Well, what policy, dare I ask? While Yeltsin was choosing between Smirnoff and Sundsvall buncha crooks got hold of the reigns, not to mention the rubles. And of course the Dow has responded to the Russian wound by bleeding profusely. I guess if you’ve got some loose change the thing to do is buy.

But back to Buddy’s best friend … well, the friend’s wife, actually. A Brandeis philosophy and women’s studies professor, Linda R. Hirshman, has a modest proposal. She thinks Ms. Rodham Clinton ought to sue her horny honey for the same thing Paula Jones sued him for: intentional infliction of emotional injury. I’d go to that trial, wouldn’t you? Adultery, she points out, is still a crime in the District. Boy, wait’ll some of them other fellas representing The People read that.

Professor Hirshman writes (in the Globe, did I say that?) that, “The beauty of this plan is that if Hillary sues the President in civil court, she can stay married, keep her residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, with all its perks and powers, and still get her pride back.” Oh yeah. Aren’t lawyers wonderful?

And just by the way, I tried to get with the program during the second hour of “Diana Dies” on NBC last night, couldn’t stomach it, so switched over to the dread Larry King. My dear, Gennifer-with-a-G was on. And you know what? I like Ms. Flowers! I find her smart and classy. So sue me. Talk to you later.