The Breakfast Table

Read ‘Em and Weep

Dear Erik,

Whoa–sorry–I didn’t mean to jump start your morning like that. Who knew? Here’s some more unsettling news. Publishing contracts like housing lease agreements are written to benefit only one party–the one that signs the checkbook. But you knew that.

I’m glad to see you are reading gossip columns. I find they are more accurate than the front pages–at least more true to life. If Ms. Garchik writes that there are two different versions of how Mark Fuhrman and I parted company, however, she is inaccurate, which saddens me. There is only one version and it is mine. I suggest she is recycling story that appeared in Monday’s New York magazine which makes her column not only inaccurate but unoriginal. Is that a snarky enough answer for you? It might be easier for me to be more informative if I know what the item was in the first place. You have it and I don’t.

Re: the posthumous “outing” bio of Kerouac. Someone did the same thing to Leonard Bernstein a few seasons back as well as John Cheever. I have to come down on the side of historical truth. Besides, I like revisionism in all things. It excites old topics that have begun to bore. As we have been discussing “outing,” I got to thinking about a fourth condition: that of failed heterosexuality. I think its a viable construct and exists in many people we all know. These are those people who simply can’t be bothered, don’t care and/or aren’t interested in sex. These would be people whose experience with the whole sexual fandango left them either bored or angry and opted for other things to fill their time. Not a life style I care about but it certainly would explain a lot of people whose sexuality we truly can’t figure out.

I agree with your reaction to the Russian chaos as it relates to Clinton. His handlers must be beside themselves with it all. Bummer. I think he and Yeltsin should just go off to Yeltsin’s dacha and get positively blotto for three days. It couldn’t hurt and at least they wouldn’t taste the food.

After getting some background on the David Cash case, I think much more highly about Berkeley students having a demonstration. Now I think they should have had a good old sixties riot. The guy is a creep and I hope they throw him out but I doubt that will happen.

I can’t sign off without at least one benign political note. I just heard that my son Jonah is going to be back on Larry King tonight with an all-star panel. Get this line up: Jonah Goldberg, Lanny “I Want to Believe Him” Davis, the lawyer for Sidney (Poor Sid, Born Too Late for The Popular Front) Blumenthal and Tony Robbins, the hot-coals guru. I think Robbins is the only one who has actually been to Camp David. Tonight I shall take dinner in front of the roaring light of the TV set … after I write to you again, of course.