News Quiz

No. 59: “Misplaced Modifiers”

No. 59: “Misplaced Modifiers”

By Randy Cohen

The list is: approachable, sexy, wholesome, friendly, relevant. List of what?

by noon ET Wednesday to e-mail your answer (

Responses to Monday’s question (No. 58)–“3-D”:

Regulations proposed in New York would limit its size to 78 feet long, 40 feet wide, and 70 feet tall. Size of what?

“New Jersey.”–Patty Marx

“Any single stack of Lawrence Durrell novels at the Strand.”–Chris Kelly

“The Sunday New York Times.”–Andrew Staples

“The line for the ladies’ room at Lincoln Center.”–Merrill Markoe

“The owner’s box at the new West Side Yankee Stadium.”–Jon Delfin

“Tiger cage for homosexuals proposed by Royal Order of Hibernians in time for next year’s St. Patrick’s parade.”–Charlie Rubin

“The Loral Corp. logo on the new Macy’s parade balloon character, ‘Chairman Mao.’ “–Chris Thomas

Click for more responses.

Randy’s Wrap-Up

Traditionally, when a world historic figure (or someone who thinks he is) wants to build a monument to his own greatness, he actually builds something: the pyramids, the Panama Canal, the Chrysler Building, the Brooklyn Bridge, the Fifth Symphony. If the mayor of New York is an egotist, he is a new kind of egotist, leaving us with only less–crime (perhaps), hot dogs, street art, booksellers, poor folks in college, affordable rental apartments, publicly financed parks, library hours, people walking the streets. Possible explanation: He is a mean-spirited little man with no vision. Alternative theory: He’s very tidy.

Enormous Inflatable Answer

As many of you know (and none more delightfully than Chris Thomas), those dimensions limit the size of giant helium balloons in New York City parades. The guidelines were developed after last year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, when a six-story Cat in the Hat plowed into a lamppost, raining debris onto the crowd below and seriously injuring a 34-year-old woman. Macy’s has voluntarily withdrawn five large balloons, including the lovable yet deadly Dr. Seuss character.

Delightful, Delovely, D’Amato (final sentence added by “News Quiz”)

“The senator is recognized as the most effective legislative voice in New York state because he gets things done for people. Just make that out to ‘cash.’ “–Lisette McSoud Mondello, spokeswoman for Al D’Amato

“Clearly, the people who contribute to Sen. D’Amato support the principles of the senator, not the other way around. Quit laughing; I’m serious.”–Lisette McSoud Mondello

“There is no connection between any campaign contributions and any piece of legislation. Tell her to quit makin’ those faces at me!”–David Spartin, vice chairman of MBNA, a Delaware corporation that donated $220,000 to Al D’Amato’s senate campaign

“Sen. D’Amato is always fighting for New Yorkers and New York companies. Well, tell him to quit ticklin’ me!”–Lisette McSoud Mondello

Editor’s Note

In today’s performance, the part of the “Hack Reference Box Score” will be played by Larry Doyle’s Predictable Response Corner (). The living will envy the dead. Prozac will be served following the matinee.

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