Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Trumped my relationship: I am a woman of color, and I have been seeing a white guy since 2014. I love him, but last week he told me that he doesn’t think Trump is a racist. I was dumbfounded. I immediately decided that I couldn’t see him anymore—but my adult daughter told me that I was being crazy and that I needed to find common ground and a way to discuss this.
What is there to discuss! Am I overreacting?
A: For what it’s worth, you’re an adult who can make decisions about her own romantic life, even if your daughter thinks you’re wrong. The fact that she disagrees with your choice doesn’t mean you have to second-guess yourself.
As for the specific issue at hand—yes, I think it’s safe to say that someone who was sued by the Justice Department for racial discrimination in the 1970s, who called for the return of the death penalty for the Central Park Five (and has subsequently doubled down even after their exoneration), who publicly championed the birther movement, whose response to being endorsed by David Duke was a tepid “I disavow, OK?” is a racist. There are some things it is not worth “finding common ground” over, particularly in a romantic relationship, and racism is one of them.