Slate publishes a lot of advice each week, so we’re pulling together a selection of our favorites. Here are a few of the most compelling questions from the week and links to hours of advice reading. This week: blind dates, moving dilemmas, and suspicious in-law behavior.
Dairy Disorder: I (a married woman) just set up a single male co-worker and a single female friend of mine on a blind date. He’s a sharp guy who’s traveled the world and knows all about fine foods, wines, classical music, designer labels, etc., and she’s a stunningly beautiful and intelligent artist. I really thought they’d make a great couple. Immediately after their date, my friend thought it had gone well and was very excited. On Monday morning, I asked my co-worker, and he said my friend was attractive and a nice person, but he wouldn’t be asking for a second date.
My friend has been bewildered by her difficulty in finding a steady relationship, so I pressed him as to why. He told me they went to a swanky bar, and she—wait for it—ordered a plain glass of milk. He found this so clueless and childish that he couldn’t imagine being with her. Now my friend is neither a big drinker nor a teetotaler—just someone who’s going to order what she wants without worrying about what others think. What do I do?
More from Prudie:
Care and Feeding
East or West, Which Is Best?: I am a woman in my 60s with two grown daughters in their 30s. My husband and I live in central Texas and didn’t plan to leave. However, my husband has been experiencing some health complications. While these are not yet major, I think that it is time to make the move. I am no longer able to care for him on my own if he becomes incapable of doing simple things for himself, and because of COVID, we do not want to involve home health nurses or nursing homes. I think that the best thing to do is to move near one of our daughters, who have both expressed the desire to have us move near them when we get older. We have the money; we have been saving for this for years, and we always knew that we might have to do this in the future, especially since neither of our kids stayed in Texas. The question is: Where to?
More from Care and Feeding:
Suspicious Mind: My in-laws have always been generous when it comes to money, but along with the generosity often comes the expectation of secrecy, which can sometimes feel like things are not entirely on the up-and-up. (“We’ll pay for X, just don’t tell anyone” or “I put these accounts in your name, so claim them in your taxes then I’ll reimburse you what you owe.”) They’re now getting on in years and have told us that my partner and his siblings jointly “own” all of their assets, including the fact that their names are on the deed to their home. We have no paperwork to this effect. I spent ages 19-33 living in NYC and traveling all over the world as much as possible while in school and working in restaurants. I have now moved to a much smaller city (albeit still with insanely high rent prices), and continue to work in the restaurant industry, even though I am unhappy with it. My problem is: I have no savings.
They have offered vague instructions at inopportune times (while I’m doing dishes after a party, say) about which “gal at the bank” to talk to when the time comes, and how we are to not tell anyone about their deaths until we’re in possession of these mysterious papers. I come from a family with a much more open attitude about money and arrangements related to end-of-life conversations, so I find this cloak-and-dagger vibe highly disturbing. At the very least, I feel we need to know how to prepare for the financial end of this oddness—I understand the lifelong issues of secrecy are far outside my control! Are practices like this more commonplace than I’m aware of in estate planning? What questions should I ask or what financial impacts could we expect in a situation like this? What should I do?
More from Pay Dirt:
How to Do It
Turned Off: I worked as a bikini barista for two years and it made me feel repulsed by sex. At first, the money was good and in some ways, it felt empowering, like making lemonade out of lemons where the lemons are a society that disproportionately sexualizes women. I worked close to the highway near a truck stop and about one in 10 customers behaved inappropriately, but when you serve hundreds of customers a day, it adds up. It impacted my relationship and I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend at the time. By the time I got home, I was just done being sexy. He would initiate and it just felt gross. The job also made me hyper-focused on my body image, and I developed what eventually realized was an eating disorder.
Now, a year later, I have started seeing someone new. He’s respectful and knows I want to take it slow, but the more I think about it, the more I dread having sex. I used to like dirty talk, but now it disgusts me. When someone tries to flirt with me, I feel angry and my heart starts racing. Is this just the way I am now? Did I become asexual? I feel like I’m just burned out on sexuality. How can I broach this with my new boyfriend? I don’t want to scare him off. What do I do?
More from How to Do It: