This week, we’ve called on our favorite expert pet owners to answer your questions about the unruly critters in your life. Faux Paws is Slate’s pet advice column. Submit questions here.
Dear Faux Paws,
Our son rescued a dog with a very high prey drive. We are working on obedience training and going on walks with a muzzle, and our garden no longer has a problem with rabbits. What is a problem is our backyard neighbors let their cats roam freely. We already had a few altercations over the cats attacking our bird feeder and using our granddaughter’s sandbox as a litter box.
Our neighbors don’t see a problem and use the excuse that it is “cruel” to keep the kitties indoors. We warned them that cars and coyotes exist and that the life experience of outdoor cats can be short and brutal. They took our advice as a threat. We don’t talk anymore. The backyard is fenced and we have cameras up. We have a video of several close calls between the cats and our dog. It feels that this is a collision course we can’t get away from. What should we do when we find a dead cat in our backyard? My son and daughter both think the owners know the risks and our dog is just acting toward his nature. Plus it is our property. My wife is worried about starting a feud and I am on the fence.
Dear Cats in the Yard,
I had cats growing up, and they lived outdoors. We had a bird box attached to a wood pole on our property, and every spring bluebirds would build a nest and lay eggs. The babies would hatch, fly away, and… some of them would make it about a hundred yards, only to be killed by our cats. One cat even figured out how to climb the pole, and sit atop the bluebird box so he could swipe the birds as they left the nest. This problem was (partially) solved by my dad putting a sheet of metal around the pole to prevent climbing. But my point is, I agree with you: Cats should not be allowed outdoors.
I really wish there were a way you could simply keep the cats out of your yard. I reached out to the Humane Society for tips, and they provided this article with suggestions, which include installing ultrasonic devices that deter pets, and removing things that might be attracting them like bird feeders. I also found a company called Purrfect Fence, which sells various cat containment systems; though they do not come cheap, presumably, you could engineer these to instead keep cats out. Another suggestion: something called “cat rollers” or “coyote rollers” that go at the top of a fence.
These solutions may or may not not work—cats are often clever at getting what they want—and they all come with downsides to your and your dog’s enjoyment of the yard. (To any cat owners reading this: consider building your cat a safe, enclosed “catio”!) What seems more realistic and within the realm of your control is working on your dog’s behavior, including doing some sessions with a trainer if you haven’t already and it’s within your budget. Don’t, for a number of reasons, leave the dog in the yard completely unattended.
But that isn’t a fool-proof protection plan for the safety of the cats. I’d reach out to your neighbors one more time and level with them about the situation with your dog, and the fact that you’ve witnessed close calls. Promise them that you mean no ill-will, but that you are worried that your dog is going to hurt or even kill their cats. They deserve to have this information. Don’t argue with them about it if they don’t listen, and don’t even tell them what they should do about it,which is, obviously: keep their cats the hell inside. And god forbid you do find a dead cat in your yard, all you can do is break the news as kindly as possible.
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Dear Faux Paws,
I have the sweetest and most loyal and most well-behaved 13-year-old dog. She has exhibited almost perfect behavior for her entire life, but due to two major life changes, she has started acting out. My other dog, her adoptive brother, died recently at the age of 15 and after many years of being single I have a serious girlfriend who I spend a lot of my time with. My girlfriend has a dog and we always hang out with both dogs and humans. The two dogs get along fine, but my dog is showing extreme signs of jealousy toward my girlfriend. She moans and groans when the humans cuddle together and always tries to get in the middle of us. She has started peeing in the middle of the night, which is seemingly on purpose and not an incontinence issue.
On the nights when I’m alone with my dog, I always try to give her love and attention, and on the nights with my girlfriend, we always take them on long walks and have playtime. She has always been good at riding in the car and going to different people’s houses. I’ve even started giving her canned and refrigerated food since her brother died (no complaints about the new diet). The only factor I can think of is the fact that my dog basically thinks I am cheating on her. Is there anything I can do to soothe my sweet dog’s feelings of betrayal?
—Can’t Please ‘Em All
Dear Can’t Please ‘Em All,
You need better boundaries with your dog. There’s hardly a situation in which giving your dog extra love and exercise is not the right move. But, in my opinion as a dog owner, it is hard to know what, if anything, your dog needs or wants deep down, and if she would stop peeing randomly if she got it. Your dog might be feeling betrayed. Or your dog might be trying to get away with things because this is what dogs do for a number of different reasons. Dogs don’t really care about the conventions of polite society, unless we—kindly, lovingly—enforce them.
First, take your dog to the vet to make sure the peeing isn’t a medical issue. Also, you don’t mention any snapping or aggression, but if that is part of the jealous behavior your dog is exhibiting, it might be worth consulting a trainer, so you can reroute those impulses before they escalate.
Regardless of how all that pans out, you should get your dog a crate. Two crates: one for your place, one for your new girlfriend’s. Put nice fluffy blankets or dog beds in them. Practice having your dog go into the crate on command by saying, “Crate time!” and putting a piece of bacon, cheese, or whatever smelly treat your dog loves most in there. Have your dog stay in it for short amounts of time, and then build up to having them sleep in there overnight. (Your dog may whine a lot the first couple of nights, this is heartbreaking, but it’s OK).
Dogs are much less likely to pee in crates at night than they are if they are left loose, and you get built-in time with your girlfriend when the dog is tucked into their own bed. You can also ask your dog to have “Crate time!” if you and your girlfriend are snuggling and the dog is getting testy about it. I have been through all of this; in addition to dating someone new (me) and untimely peeing (the dog), my situation involved wanting to be able to wake up and have half a cup of coffee before walking my dog in the morning (it was the height of the pandemic, and spending 24/7 with a small creature including the very second I woke up had become intolerable).
Does it sound a little selfish to crate a dog so you can have time apart from them? I am here to tell you: My dog loves her crate. It’s her own little cozy room. She puts toys in there, and once even purloined a washcloth for her stash, which we found very adorable. Often she goes in there by herself, and she’s always thrilled to go in at the end of the day to go to bed. And it’s made my relationship with her better, too. Sometimes my now-fiancé and I find it adorable when we’re laying on the couch and the dog weasels herself in between us. And sometimes, we ask her for space.
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Dear Faux Paws,
My 15-year-old dog, Elmer, is in rapidly deteriorating health and I’m facing the difficult decision to euthanize him in the very near future. He’s been a wonderful companion since he came into my life when he was adopted from a shelter as a 4-month-old puppy. In addition to struggling with the end of his life, I’m also facing another difficult decision. My ex-husband gifted Elmer to me (I know, it’s a bad idea to gift an animal, but it worked out beautifully in this case) as an anniversary present. I have not had any contact with my ex in about 10 years. I initiated the breakup and I don’t have any animosity about our relationship, but I know he had a hard time with it ending. I’ve kept in touch occasionally with his family, so I’m aware that he’s moved on and had kids with a new partner. I’m wondering if it would be appropriate to contact him when Elmer passes away and let him know he lived a full life and thank him for the wonderful gift he gave me so many years ago. I don’t want to stir up any bad feelings with my ex but I know he was sad to part ways with Elmer and feel like he would appreciate knowing that Elmer was well-loved and taken care of over the years.
—Elmer’s Mom
Dear Elmer’s Mom,
I think it’s really sweet that you want to thank your ex for bringing Elmer into your life, and I’m hard-pressed to think of a reason why someone who has moved on and has a great new life would be mad to hear a brief and genuine thank-you from you. Reach out without any expectation that your ex needs to reply, and keep your note short, and Elmer-focused.
Part of me wants to advise you to send your ex a physical thank you card because I think that Elmer deserves the extra mile here to commemorate his life, but that may come across as a little creepy if you don’t have his address on file. Regardless of how you reach out, I hope you’ll make a physical scrapbook to remember Elmer, or write down nice memories of him in a journal. This is a really sad and hard time, but it can also be one of celebration for all the joy and love Elmer brought you.
—Shannon
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