Dear Prudence

Help! My Dad’s Comments About My Incredibly Hot Girlfriend Are Making Me Furious.

I don’t know what to say.

Blind man walking with a woman holding his arm.
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Prostock-Studio/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Every week, Dear Prudence answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members. Submit questions here. (It’s anonymous!)

Q: Unfair to MY Girlfriend: I’m blind. I keep very fit but gather I’m below average looking nonetheless. I’ve got a birthmark on my face and my eyes freak people out sometimes when I’m not wearing my glasses. This hadn’t really bothered me until recent years. I have an amazing girlfriend, Grace. We’ve dated for three years and she’s the woman I want to marry. Apparently, she is stunningly gorgeous. I could have guessed that as she’s gorgeous to me for who she is. The problem is what everyone keeps saying about us.

We met at the gym where she’s an instructor and I know she’s done modeling. Several of my friends went on and on about how hot she was when they first met her. But most of them have calmed down since I said I found their comments objectifying and rude. I especially didn’t like comments about us being “mismatched” and I’ve heard Grace shut down those comments from people, too. The problem is that my best friend since high school, Brian, has never really shut up about how hot Grace is. Specifically, he has commented often that it’s “not fair” that a blind guy is with someone so hot and that Grace should be with someone “who can appreciate her.” I do appreciate Grace!

But my dad has also made these comments and brought them up again recently when I was telling him and my mom about our plans to get married. I was asking about getting a family ring to officially propose. My dad made the same comment as Brian and said that it was “a crying shame” to “waste” a woman like Grace on me. I was upset but didn’t know what to say. My mom told him to shut up and that she thinks me and Grace are a great couple. She loves Grace. But I can’t stop thinking about these comments and need advice on both how to respond next time (because there will be a next time). Is it somehow unfair to Grace that she’s with someone who can’t appreciate her looks? Grace will hit the roof if I tell her about these comments. I don’t want to cause friction between her and my dad or best friend but this is deeply bothering me.

A: Your dad is a jerk, and Brian is not your best friend. He is a frenemy, if anything. The people who are supposed to support you and care about you are not up to the task and have a really sad outlook on life. Turn away from them entirely and toward Grace, who obviously loves you and appreciates you. If she hits the roof, good! You can hit the roof together. You say you don’t want to cause friction, but the friction already exists—you’re just the only one suffering because of it. If these two men find out that Grace is not just a hot woman but a hot woman who thinks their objectifying and gross comments are objectifying and gross, that’s a good thing.

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