Do you have any favorite internal affirmations or mantras you like to offer students to help them feel confident in the face of potential bullies or put-downs? I’m trying to help out my elementary schooler. Right now I’m thinking of sayings along the lines of “I am awesome just as I am,” or “I will not let others define me.” Additionally, if there are any great all-purpose verbal comebacks or responses that might be applied generally, those would be helpful and welcome as well. Really, I welcome any suggestions you have for helping my child muster up confidence (with kindness).
—Take That!
Dear Take That,
I love this question! I speak to my students about this all the time. I believe in the power of personal mantras and use many myself—I even dedicated an entire chapter to this topic in a new book I have coming out. There’s also a great deal of science behind the idea that our brains listen to the words we say as a signal for how it should respond chemically. Say that you’re happy, and your brain will make you happier, even if you’re not actually happy when you say the words. Positive self-talk really works!
For students who are being bullied, I often suggest mantras like:
“You tease me because you fear me.”
“You’re only making me stronger.”
“My future is bright. Bullies can’t stand that.”
“I am more than enough.”
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
That last one is Churchill.
In terms of comebacks to unkind remarks, the phrases I suggest to my students include:
“What is wrong with you?”
“Are you having a bad day?”
“Has someone made you feel so badly about yourself that you feel the need to lash out at others?”
“Can I get you some help?”
“Do you not see that you’re the bad guy in this movie?”
Any comeback that offers sympathy—sincere or sarcastic—is both disarming for a bully. Bullies are unaccustomed to kindness as a defense mechanism, and a kind comeback also keeps the victim out of trouble by preventing them from saying something that might also be construed as inappropriate or cruel by a teacher.
It also strongly implies that the situation at hand has more to do with the bully than the victim, which is an excellent message to send.
—Mr. Dicks (fifth grade teacher, Connecticut)
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My rising sophomore has the opportunity to decide between two enriched academic tracks: Taking AP classes or enrolling in an IB program. Do you have any thoughts on the pros and cons of each course of study, whether they are better suited to particular kinds of students, or what you’d consider the defining characteristics of either track? Is one more beneficial from a college admissions standpoint, or are they about the same?
—Crossroads
Dear Crossroads,
Colleges view IB and AP as relatively equal from an admissions standpoint. Your student should base their decision on what type of student they are, what goals they have, and how they want to spend the rest of their high school experience.
IB programs are definitely for extremely dedicated, hard workers. Many of the IB students I know (and many of the teachers I inquired with) have complaints about the amount of studying and notetaking. (This is obviously just an anecdotal snapshot of individuals I spoke with but seemed worth mentioning.) IB programs also have extracurricular components built in. While this can be a great way for focused, school-centered young people to dive deep into their studies while also being required to engage in community service projects, students who already have lots of sports, music, or other interests may find these new commitments daunting. In most districts (not all), the IB program is an all-or-nothing package deal where students take all their core courses in IB. AP, on the other hand, is more à la carte; you take the AP courses you want, in the subjects in which you are confident. There are also no extracurricular requirements for AP.
If the goal is to get an advanced diploma (students who complete the IB program literally get a different diploma than those at their school who do not), then like IB, AP does have an option: the AP Capstone diploma. Just ask if your child’s school offers Capstone. To receive a Capstone diploma, students are required to take and pass exams of any four AP classes of their choosing, plus take and pass two additional courses in the Capstone program: AP Seminar and AP Research. The first (which, full-disclosure, I teach) is a college-level research and writing course. The second is a year-long independent study where students put those skills to use in what many educators in and around the program jokingly call “Doctorate Jr.” They conduct a research study, write a thesis paper, and present and defend their findings before a panel.
There’s one last factor to consider. While good grades in IB and AP classes can give students impressive GPA boosts, the only way to get college credit for AP courses is to pass the AP exams, which are largely multiple choice. If your student is among the many test-weary kids across this country, consider that IB scores are not solely based on a test and that their tests tend to be more open-ended writing prompts balanced with scores from nested assessments (i.e. things the students do throughout the school year). I spoke with an administrator who has overseen AP and IB programs and she described it this way: AP exams are trying to figure out what you don’t know, IB exams are trying to figure out what you do know.
I know that there is a lot to consider there and you probably now have a few follow-up questions for your rising sophomore’s guidance department, but I hope this helps as your student considers the best path for themselves. Good luck!
—Mr. Vona (high school teacher, Florida)
I am not sure whether my stance on this issue makes me old or right, or both. In short: Should I insist that my 11-year-old use touch-typing for her typed assignments? My daughter did have some in-school instruction in touch-typing in third grade, pre-pandemic. At home, we have been encouraging/insisting on regular typing practice using an online typing game, with a goal that she practice 15 minutes per night, though in reality we don’t manage to fit it in nightly.
Despite all this, she still much prefers to hunt and peck, and especially if she feels time pressure she really resists touch typing. On the one hand, I know that voice-to-text options are improving at a rapid pace. Maybe by the time she’s in college touch typing will be a skill akin to taking shorthand? On the other hand, professionally I work closely with colleagues from other countries, who grew up not being taught computer skills, and one challenge they face is having difficulty typing fast enough to produce the frequent articles and grant applications that are very helpful for promotion and career development in our line of work. So I’m very sensitized to the challenges one might have down the line if you never make the jump from hunt-and-peck to touch-typing, and that it is a transition that just gets harder to make when you face a larger volume of academic/professional assignments.
My daughter says that her classmates use a mix of touch typing and hunt and peck, and that her teachers don’t really push one over the other.
What do we do? Hold the course with frequent, game-based practice? Back off and let her do what works for her and trust she will work it out? Let it go because technology will soon make touch-typing obsolete?
—Old-School
Dear Old-School,
(Old lady voice) Back in my day… we had typing class freshman year of high school. That was perfect because it was about then that we started using computers, writing essays, and whatnot. The great but tough thing about this generation is that they’re on screens in kindergarten but don’t get typing instruction until at least upper elementary (if at all), by which point their hunt-and-peck habit is deeply ingrained.
It’s worth trying to break that bad habit. I have no scientific articles to cite here, but the internet and my experience tell me that touch-typing increases speed and accuracy, and it can help in the creative process. That makes sense to me. Most of us think somewhat faster than we type, but we think much, much faster than we hunt and peck. I feel certain long intervals between tapping keys can derail a train of thought.
You’re right that voice-to-text technology is developing, but as of right now, my high school students still have to type a lot. And they have to type in class. Using voice tech at home is one thing; imagine 25 kids, or even five kids, using voice to take their notes or compose their essays in the classroom. Bedlam.
I actually make my students practice typing for 5 minutes at the beginning of every class, and I give them extra credit if they meet certain benchmark speeds on typing tests. I’m very much Team Touch-Typing, and I encourage your participation!
—Ms. Scott (high school teacher, North Carolina)
My 10-year-old daughter is a fourth grader at a pretty decent public school in New York City. The school has a great community, she has good friends, and the teachers really seem to care. But I see her getting A’s (90 percent, even 100 percent) on tests without putting any work in, and I worry that she’s not being challenged. She’s bright but not a genius, so it’s not that she needs work above her grade level. She just seems to be getting rewarded for doing the bare minimum.
As she moves closer to middle school, I worry about her not learning good study skills and not being motivated to achieve in school. What can I do if she’s not getting this from her teachers? When I tell her that she should be putting more work into class projects or that she should do the enrichment work that’s available, she just points to her grades.
—Minimum Effort Required
Dear Minimum,
I’ve watched many students who don’t have to work hard in elementary school finally hit a wall in middle or high school, when things stop being easy, and a work ethic has not yet been established. In those situations, kids really struggle.
In fairness, your daughter might be working very hard during the school day, which is how elementary school should operate. Fourth graders shouldn’t be coming home with mountains of homework and hours of studying. Those days are coming but need not arrive quite yet. It’s possible that she is putting in outstanding effort in the classroom, but you’re just not able to witness it firsthand.
But if you really think that your daughter isn’t working hard, it might benefit her to seek out situations where she is doing something novel or challenging or is engaged in an activity with children older and more experienced than her, so that she’s forced to strive for higher ground. Sports, community theater, and scouting are three areas that will require effort, persistence, and determination from your daughter in order to succeed, and they will likely be populated with kids who have more skill and experience than she possesses.
That can really light a fire under a kid.
Best of luck.
—Mr. Dicks (fifth grade teacher, Connecticut)
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