This week, R. Eric Thomas and Allegra Frank discuss a Prudie letter: “Forced Wedding Planner.”
R. Eric Thomas: Allegra! Thanks for chatting with me today. This letter is wild. What do you make of this whole situation?
Allegra Frank: My initial thought is: Sarah should not be getting married! If this woman can’t even get her act together with the wedding planning, imagine what this portends for the rest of her marriage! But perhaps that’s a little harsh. That said, my sympathies clearly lie with the maid of honor here. As they should!
At the same time, MOH is frustratingly passive … it’s been THIS long and she hasn’t called out Sarah already for this spiraling mess? The whole thing is making me so anxious!
Eric: Yes! My anxiety went through the roof all over the place on this one. I get not wanting to upset loved ones, and I have *definitely* been talked into more than a few non-profit committees I have no interest in being on. But the way that Sarah is blithely refusing to take any responsibility is both very impressive and beyond the pale. I just can’t imagine being this hands-off for anything. And where is Sarah’s fiancé in all of this?
Allegra: An amazing question! Where 👏 is 👏the 👏fiancé 👏👏👏!
Allegra: There is a huge amount of responsibility weighing on an incredibly small number of people’s shoulders, made worse by Sarah’s disinterest in actually bearing that weight or even asking for additional help. Which, again: Do not have a wedding! I feel as though a lesson that we all should have learned during the pandemic is that a wedding ceremony is absolutely not a necessity! It’s in fact an expensive and undue burden!
Eric: Yes, I completely agree. This wedding is off. We have called it. No one is taking responsibility and so the privilege has been denied. It feels like Sarah is of the opinion that a wedding just happens and is a right and neither of those things are true.
Eric: Do you think Sarah et. al. will accept the LW’s final pushback? I’m nervous but I don’t see how this happens either way.
Allegra: I think that Sarah is so delusional that any semblance of rationality here is going to be too little, too late. By “too late” I mean, like, her parents failed her from the start. AGAIN: I DO NOT KNOW THIS FOR REAL. But I highly doubt there’s any level of appealing to the senses that will get Sarah back on track. I also have to wonder if MOH has the strength in her to actually confront Sarah, as you suggested she should!
Eric: I have the same question. I tried to think of other ways she could set a boundary, but at the end of the day, often we just have to say “no, I’m not going to do that.” And if she can’t, well … I guess we’ll see. I hope LW writes back, on a weekly basis honestly. I need to know so much more.
Allegra: I want regular updates every day until Sarah calls off this wedding, as she should. But from what we’ve learned about everyone involved, that’s probably not happening until the 11th hour.
Eric: I get hives just thinking about trying to throw together someone else’s wedding. I just don’t see it. But good luck, good luck to all involved. Last question: would you ever deputize someone (a person who was presumably willing) to plan your wedding?
Allegra: I would: I would deputize a wedding planner!!!!!
Eric: Yes! Leave it to the professionals!