Dear Prudence

Help! I Made a Huge Mistake Trying to Set My Friend Up With This Guy.

Dear Prudence answers more of your questions—only for Slate Plus members.

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Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Kittisak_Taramas/Getty Images Plus.

Every week, Dear Prudence answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.

Q. Unsure matchmaker: I confess to being something of a busybody matchmaker for a fairly large circle of friends at my university. A couple of months ago, I tried to set up a male friend, “Don,” with a girl I knew, “Erica.” I introduced them, they chatted, seemed to be all right when I left, but it fizzled out.

I spoke to Don afterwards and asked what went wrong, and he first tried to downplay it by saying there wasn’t a spark, but after I questioned him a bit, he mentioned that he found Erica’s unshaved armpits unattractive.

I must have shown something on my face because he started saying that he doesn’t want to change her or thinks it’s important for her to depilate, but it’s a preference he has and at such an early stage of meeting, it wasn’t something he wanted to pursue. I’ve lost a lot of respect for Don, and while I haven’t cut contact, I have spoken to him a lot less since.

Recently, another friend of mine on campus, “Danielle,” expressed some interest in Don and asked for an introduction. I’m not sure if I should, and I’m not sure if I should express his faintly misogynistic body preferences to her? Should I tell her to avoid Don or not?

A: There’s no professional code of conduct for volunteer matchmakers. There’s also nothing problematic about giving a fairly bland introduction to someone who asked for one, if you’re not feeling enthusiastic about the potential coupling. If it’s easier to say yes to Danielle, you could say “Hey Don, we haven’t talked for a while but my friend wanted to be introduced to you. Here’s her phone number” and leave it at that. If she ends up finding out about his armpit hair issues, she will survive and emerge unscathed, I promise. He’s a guy with a preference that rubs you the wrong way, not a murderer.

But if you feel really strongly that someone with his views doesn’t deserve a hookup, you are the all-powerful matchmaker and get to decide that! So you’re also totally within your rights to say “He and I aren’t close anymore and haven’t talked much for a while, so I’m not the person to make an introduction.”

Classic Prudie

One of my closest friends in high school recently organized our 10-year reunion. I wasn’t able to attend, but the night of the event, he sent me a text saying, “We all miss you.” That was immediately followed by an extremely crude request for me to describe features of my genitals. I was shocked and upset. A friend says he was probably drunk and I should laugh it off. I’m not ready to, and I don’t think being drunk is an excuse. He had a chance to back off but persisted, even after I texted back “WTF?” He also hasn’t apologized in the days since. I feel that we don’t have a rapport where he could ask me that out of the blue, especially since we’ve drifted apart in the last decade. And I don’t feel that the fact we are both men makes it OK—I feel harassed and demeaned. I can’t let it go. Should I confront him about it or just continue to let our friendship fall by the wayside naturally?