This week, Jenée Desmond-Harris and Lauren Williams discuss a Prudie letter: “Breakup Bitch”
Lauren Williams: I read this and I was immediately so frustrated with this person!
Jenée Desmond-Harris: Really? Say more!
Lauren: Frustrated in an empathetic way, I mean. I just think she exemplified all of the ways that women put dudes and their problems before our own wants and needs.
Jenée: Ooh, yes, totally. We all know he would break up with her (maybe even just ghost her) for the same offense.
Lauren: She already didn’t like him, and then he drunk drives—putting her life in danger—after it seems like she tried to get him to stop, and then she feels so bad about breaking up with him that she has to write in for advice? NO. Break up with him like YESTERDAY. You don’t even have a history with this guy! His happiness is not your responsibility! It never was.
Jenée: AND you aren’t powerful enough to make his life better. He will just have a downward spiral with a girlfriend if you stay around.
Lauren: And you’ll be stuck. It’s not like things will be better in a few weeks. He’ll have to go to court. You’ll be stuck driving this guy around everywhere. And he’ll know that you are not into it, which will not feel amazing.
Jenée: And like I said, then you’ll be like “I can’t break up with him, I’m his whole support system and his driver!”
Lauren: Yeah. I guess I’m frustrated that she even asked.
Jenée: If the rule is “I put up with a shitty relationship and am not allowed to anything to upset my boyfriend because he’s vulnerable,” just sign up for misery for the rest of your life.
Lauren: I DO want you to have a job. So please continue asking questions, people.
Lauren: This one just does not seem like a conundrum.
Jenée: Yeah, it’s normal to hear from people who feel conflicted about leaving clearly horrible relationships, but normally they involve an investment of more than a few months.
Lauren: I think if she’s worried, she can leave him some information about counseling resources, or talk to some of his friends (if she knows any) and say hey, he might need some extra support from people who know him really well, but I don’t know him that well, and it can’t be me.
Jenée: That’s a nice though. I once emailed a guy’s sister before breaking up with him to ease my guilt. Like, “he’s all yours!”
Lauren: Hahaha, I can see you doing that!
Jenée: She was basically like, “Nice to meet you. Sigh. Thanks, we’re used to this.”
Lauren: He’s lucky he had a place to land.
Jenée: I think with the drunk driver, the LW should rest assured that he’ll find someone else.
People who need help and people who like to be needed have a way of attracting each other.
Lauren: He did manage to rope the LW in despite her not even wanting to be with him.
Jenée: Right? He must have something going for him.
Lauren: Leave with a clean conscience, and find someone with the good sense to call Lyft.