This week, Jenée Desmond-Harris and Lisa McIntire discuss a Prudie letter: “Give Him Till February?”
Lisa McIntire: Hi Jenée! You were kind enough to give me a choice of which letter to discuss, and I am physically unable to pass up talking about the wedding cake incident.
Jenée: It was pretty bad. I think I was anticipating people being like “it’s not that big a deal,” so I made my response about how you can break up over anything you want. But I actually do think it was a big deal.
Lisa: “Why are you getting upset over being assaulted at your wedding.” WELL!
Jenée: And this just can’t be an isolated incident. Even if it was the first time he was unreasonable/inconsiderate/violent …. it wouldn’t be the last.
Lisa: Completely agree. Emotionally healthy adults just don’t wake up and say to themselves, I’m going to wildly violate my partner’s stated boundaries on our wedding day, in front of everyone they care about.
Jenée: Also … “shoved into a cake and held there”!! That’s really intense.
Lisa: Horrifying. Waterboarding by cake.
Lisa: The part I really don’t understand is anyone telling anyone else they shouldn’t break up with someone.
Jenée: If you want to break up, that is the biggest and most definitive sign that you should break up! What else do people want to hear?
Lisa: Right! Why are you so invested in someone else’s relationship “working”? What on earth is it to you?
Jenée: And even is she is “overreacting” because of her “issues,” like they say, she HAS the issues! She feels the way she feels! Her reaction to the issues is making this relationship not fun.
Lisa: I feel so bad that not only did this poor woman get assaulted at her own wedding, she also is surrounded by people who couldn’t care less about her wellbeing. Listen: I’ve never been in a car accident, but if someone GRABBED ME and SHOVED MY HEAD into a cake, I would take issue with it!
Jenée: Right, you don’t have to have “issues” to not like that! I actually love that this letter is about the fact that she’s already decided to get divorced and just wants a second opinion, rather than asking how to figure out how to be happy with someone she no longer feels safe with or likes.
Lisa: Yes! The “terrible mistake” would be staying with this sociopath.
Jenée: So bottom line: No, do not “give him until February.” And also, don’t ever take advice again from these people who want you to stay with him and be unhappy.
Lisa: Give him no quarter! Or rather, keep being the only reasonable person in a sea of clowns.