Dear Prudence

Help! I’m Pretty Sure I Caught a Guy Dating Two Women at the Same Time.

Dear Prudence answers more of your questions—only for Slate Plus members.

A man w/ a woman laying on his chest and him holding another woman's hand hidden out of sight.
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Prostock-Studio/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Every week, Dear Prudence answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.

Dear Prudence, 

I recently moved to another state for a new job. I love this job—it’s like a breath of fresh air compared to the toxic environment at my previous workplace—and I’ve already become friends with “Linda,” one of my coworkers. She frequently talks about her new boyfriend, “Greg,” who sounded like a great guy at first.

But when she showed me his picture, my stomach dropped. Greg looks EXACTLY like “Chris,” the guy who an acquaintance from my previous city had been in a long-distance relationship with for over a year! While I’d only met Chris once or twice at large get-togethers, he frequently appears on his girlfriend’s Instagram, and as soon as I saw Linda’s picture of Greg, I instantly recognized him.

I have no idea how to handle this situation. I haven’t seen Chris in person for months, and his girlfriend is a friend of a friend; I don’t want to drop this news on her only for it to turn out that Chris and Greg are just doppelgängers. But I would also feel terrible if it turns out later that my suspicions were correct, and I could have spared both women a lot of pain and heartbreak by telling them sooner. What should I do?

— Long Distance Liar

You just recently met Linda. The other girlfriend was only an acquaintance. You aren’t even sure if this is a doppelganger. And they have two different names. The evidence here is pretty thin. I think it’s a good moment to mind your own business and trust that if Greg/Chris is living a double life, more evidence will eventually come out without your help.

Classic Prudie

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 10 years. We have a great relationship with normal ups and downs over the years. I’ve recently suspected he might be cheating, but after searching his phone (I know, I’m sorry), I couldn’t find any evidence. I confronted him with it and he denied it. Well, after coming home from an annual OB-GYN appointment, I cried to him that I was diagnosed with herpes. I was so upset and again brought up his potential cheating, as it’s the only way I could have gotten an STD. He broke down, admitted to an infidelity, and was devastated he gave it to me. We’ve done some real work and are back on track. But: I made it all up. I was never diagnosed but thought the lie would get him to confess. It did! And I feel awful. Am I a monster? I feel my transgression was almost worse than his. How do I move on?