How to Do It

I’ve Noticed Something Very Strange About My Well-Endowed Lover

Hand with small eggplant
Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus.

Listen to How to Do It:

How to Do It, Slate’s sex advice column, now has its very own podcast featuring Stoya and Rich. Twice a week, they’ll tackle their most eye-popping questions yet in short, fun, informative episodes. Follow the podcast now wherever you listen.

This episode transcript is available exclusively to Slate Plus members. Your first month is only $1.

Dear How to Do It, 

I had a two-year, no-strings-attached hookup friendship with a guy, and then he got stuck overseas due to COVID restrictions. We’re not dating, but we are very sexually compatible, even if we’re not romantically compatible.

Advertisement

Now he’s back. We’ve hooked up three times since he’s returned, and I’m a little confused about something.

I love a lot of deep penetration, and he’s well endowed and could always satisfy me in that way. However, the last times we’ve had sex, he hasn’t gotten nearly as deep, even though we tried all of the same positions and angles we did before. At first, I thought maybe he wasn’t getting completely hard, but then I checked things out down there the second time, and he was hard as a rock. So I don’t think that’s what it was. Can dicks shrink or something? Due to pandemic reasons, neither of us have had sex with anyone since we last saw each other. And I admit, I’m disappointed by our sudden lack of compatibility in this area.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

—What’s the Deal?

Rich: I wonder if there’s something going on with her internally.

Stoya: That’s interesting. All of the internal things that come to mind having read Jen Gunter’s The Vagina Bible involve dropping of parts. Like prolapse. The cervix and uterus descending.

Rich: Right. So you would think that deep penetration, as it’s referred to here, would be easier to achieve over time.

Stoya: Yeah, but I am wondering if they gained inches around their butt and might be extending the depth with flesh. I’m just thinking over COVID, pants that were once loose are tight, and pants that were once tight no longer zip. That’s an area where we tend to gain size, and it’s also right there around the orifices, and as I’m scrolling through the positions, like doggy, butt’s in the way.

Advertisement

Rich: I think that’s really interesting to think about the external changes perhaps influencing this. And also if he gained any weight, he may have lost some length as well, because your body kind of expands onto the penis. There’s some kind of rough measurement I read that, like, you lose 20 pounds, you gain half an inch, or something like that. It’s probably different for different people. But, generally speaking, there is something to be said for less flesh around the penis means more length. Size will vary in terms of desire, too. There are just different levels of hardness, and the harder, the longer. Because it doesn’t seem like a penis should be shrinking, per se.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

Stoya: Not that much that quickly. I would say it’s weird enough that it’s worth encouraging him to check in with a urologist just to make sure, because I don’t know, and my brain keeps giving me whiffs of horror scenarios where I’m like, “But what if this is actually a really alarming sign of something?”

Advertisement
Advertisement

Rich: I think any bodily changes are a signal to talk to a healthcare professional about it, right? I probably do it to an annoying extent. If I notice anything is different, I’m immediately at the doctor being like, “What is wrong with me?” Just waiting for the day that you tell me that it’s terminal. You know?

Stoya: I’m not like that at all, but it just makes sense when something changes drastically, check in with a medical professional.

If you are in need of sex advice, you can write to How to Do It at slate.com/howtodoit. Or you can leave us a voicemail at 347- 640-4025. Remember, this is anonymous!

Advertisement