Every week, Danny M. Lavery and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: the roommate.
Nicole Cliffe: This made me want to live on the moon like Dr Manhattan
just me on a rock
Danny Lavery: I would like to quibble with your assertion that you are both laid-back
you might be reasonably laid-back!
Nicole Cliffe: AS WOULD I
Danny Lavery: but this woman is not
Nicole Cliffe: no she is a terrifying drama monster who acquires and hoards grievances and then explodes all over you
Danny Lavery: yeah obviously you gotta stop even giving her an inch here
Nicole Cliffe: Just leave.
Danny Lavery: i know you really don’t want to, so like – if you think it’s worth it, just live your life and ignore her
but i believe her commitment to driving you nuts is way higher than your commitment to living in this nice apartment
Nicole Cliffe: I think that’s impossible
“I won’t be IGNORED” gif from Fatal Attraction
She needs to start looking for a place and saving for the move
bc I guarantee this woman is not gonna be “here is your half of the deposit, have a lovely life”
I predict a 40% likelihood of small claims court
Danny Lavery: you can definitely at the least refuse to answer her weird questions about your savings account
Nicole Cliffe: SERIOUSLY
Danny Lavery: but she wants to fuck shit up and you want things to be calm and peaceful
and oftentimes, the calm-and-peaceful person loses because it takes two to produce calm
Nicole Cliffe: It really does.
You can literally put on noise-cancelling headphones and pretend you live alone and she will escalate
And it’s FINE to want a friend-roommate
but that’s why you get a place with a FRIEND
or discuss it from the beginning
MANAGE SOME EXPECTATIONS
Danny Lavery: but when someone goes to places like “I have heard of people like YOU…who merely want to exchange friendly pleasantries with their roommates and keep the kitchen clean…but I never thought I’d actually meet one in the flesh, you Island”
it is a bit much!
Nicole Cliffe: like you’ve heard of the existence of helium gas and then freak out when you see a balloon
Danny Lavery: “Feel free to move out if you think that’s what you need; I’m very happy here” followed by a quick exit to the bedroom is definitely a viable strategy
Nicole Cliffe: also to be BROADLY GENERAL
Danny Lavery: but be prepared for that to fall apart, I think
Nicole Cliffe: more people want to quietly exchange pleasantries as they open the fridge than want their souls to join w someone they met on Craigslist real estate
Danny Lavery: i think that is true
Nicole Cliffe: I think she should do that while looking and saving for sure
Danny Lavery: i do WANT you to get the apartment, obviously
i want you to win this one
Nicole Cliffe: It might even annoy her out
oh I so want that
I don’t have high hopes
People who are willing to bulldoze through the social contract usually get what they want.
It costs them in other ways (people hate them and they miss out on opportunities)
But if you are willing to just yell and push, you WILL get the thing.
My husband used to say this about driving in Manhattan.
That the trick is to look like you care less about the survival of yourself and others than the other drivers.
(Obviously we no longer live or drive in Manhattan.)
Danny Lavery: WISE