This week, Calvin Kasulke joins Danny Ortberg to discuss a Prudie letter. This week: junior’s nickname.
Danny: for what it is worth, and in the interest of full disclosure, I don’t think naming a son after his father is odd—it’s actually enormously common, so I’m not sure where you got the idea it’s odd at all—but I do absolutely hate it!
Calvin: Oh goodness
Missing the forest for the trees a little bit, here. You have already given him his father’s name, so the “individual” part of “responsible individual” has already taken a hit
Danny: I want to try to be fair here—it’s not a practice I like, but I also don’t think you’ve doomed your son to a lifetime of confusion and hopelessness because you’ve been calling him Lil’ Dad
but I definitely agree that you should find a different nickname
I’m just imagining if he kept that nickname for his whole life
and like, showed up at a job interview saying, “I’m Mr. Lil’ Papa, nice to meet you”
Calvin: “Please, Father was my father. Call me Lil’ Pops.”
Danny: I also truly love the “As he’s (my son) gotten older” bit
thank you for pointing out one of the inherent drawbacks to giving a child the same name as your partner!
Calvin: Did you know Allen Iverson’s mom had another son and named him Mister Allen Iverson
Danny: I DID know that
I don’t know why I know that
Calvin: Yeah no her husband drank from the fountain of youth and has NOT gotten older, troublingly
Danny: because I don’t know much about baseball
Calvin: Because of your lifelong fandom of the Philadelphia 76ers
Basketball!! Daniel!!
Danny: but it is a relevant point, that naming conventions can vary a lot between racial groups, and I don’t want to totally dismiss out of hand all forms of patronymics
Calvin: Not at all! And that’s not to say he can’t have a name at home that isn’t used elsewhere
That is extremely common even among non redundantly-named families
Danny: I think Allen Iverson’s mom actually talked about wanting to use “Mister” as a given name for her son because of the way it built-in automatic respect that white people had consciously withheld
yes, absolutely
So! you and your husband can definitely find a different nickname or variation on the name
Calvin: Perhaps whatever his middle name is, or a non-lil’d version of his given name if possible (Ricky instead of Richard, or what have you)
Danny: and if your kid ever transitions this will all be moot and you will have to learn a new name
Calvin: If you are worried of the “lil” implications on his grander autonomy
I guess also you could give him a grandiose nickname, or one like Mister, to impose some kind of destiny on him
Fully swing the pendulum the other way, call him Charlemagne or The New Pope
Right, also get used to the impermanence of names, he may also become a teen and decide his name is something else now, or get an organic nickname through his words and deeds
Danny: too bad The Young Pope is already taken
Calvin: The young Pope moniker has kept Jude Law from fulfilling his greater purpose
Danny: which is … ?
Calvin: Law school
Obviously
Danny: Calvin
Calvin: Lil’ Calvin, please
Danny: Calvi
Calvin: I do think this is something the kid will soon be old enough to voice his own opinion on
Danny: i think this should be good, btw
Calvin: Like how you refuse to be called Dan
So it really might all be moot
Danny: N E V E R
Calvin: Exactly. Like, by the time he can spell his name and introduce himself he will have opinions. Enjoy exercising this power over his autonomy while you can, I guess
Is my final thought on this
Danny: a message to all parents, really
