By Dorie Chevlen
Wirecutter Staff
There’s technically no winner at a white elephant gift exchange, but the most successful ones see everyone leaving with a gift that’s not only entertaining but also, ideally, useful. At Wirecutter, we’re obsessed with finding the best stuff for any occasion, so for this guide we asked staffers to recommend the most hilarious, Yankee-swap-worthy gifts that made them smile. We think they’ll make you smile, too.
A calming mug
Bob Ross Heat Changing Mug
This would be a good gift for, um, everyone! I think we all need a little more Bob Ross in our lives. A peaceful cup of coffee + Bob Ross = instant zen. —Doug Mahoney, senior staff writer
Terrifying taxidermy
Crap Taxidermy
I love animals, and for the most part, taxidermy both freaks me out and makes me sad. Good lord this book has given me a new perspective on how truly terrible it can be—which means I now appreciate the art of taxidermy when it’s done right. It’s the perfect weird gift to give to your weirdest friend. —Medea Giordano, assistant updates editor
Dramatic disses
Shakespearean Insults 2020 Calendar
As a former English major and eternal rampallian, I’ve long admired the Bard’s colorful and creative insults. This calendar has 365 of the best of them so that, should your honor ever be challenged, you’ll be ready to tell that “threadbare juggler” or “poisonous bunch-backed toad” just what a “lump of foul deformity” he is. —Dorie Chevlen, Wirecutter contributor
Magnetized planters
GoodsmithShop Circle Air Plant Magnet
Artist Savannah Cotter’s Circle Air Plant Magnets are the polar opposite of the kitschy and boozy gifts you’d usually find at a white elephant exchange. They’re stylish and refined, and they will attract anyone with an eye for design. This planter has a powerful magnet on its back (though you can request it without), so you can stick it on your fridge, filing cabinet, or other metal surface. And it comes in a variety of colors and wood finishes. Plus, since this is an air plant, it’s at least a little hard to kill. —Tim Barribeau, editor
Full of hot air
Presto PopLite Hot Air Corn Popper
Everyone loves popcorn. If your friends don’t, then this popcorn maker will change their minds. And if it doesn’t, frankly, better to know now and make new friends. —Dorie Chevlen, Wirecutter contributor
Game of thrones
Squatty Potty The Original Bathroom Toilet Stool
My dear friends Julie Ann and Nathan have hosted a huge white elephant party every year for the past decade, and last year’s most popular gift was by far the Squatty Potty. This was stolen the maximum number of times until it ended up in my arms, where I triumphantly carried it around for the rest of the party, enjoying the wistful stares and regretful comments from other attendees who lamented their lack of strategy around this pooptastic present. My Squatty Potty holds a place of honor not only in my heart but in my bathroom, where it causes me to smile and think of those friends at least once a day. —Nancy Redd, staff writer
Taco gift card
Taco Bell Gift Card
The Taco Bell Gift Card strikes a good balance of utility, price, and humor. It doesn’t take up a lot of space, it’s consumable (not quite literally), and it’s easily regifted should the recipient not be one to “think outside the bun.” This gift may appeal to college students, coworkers, or pretty much anyone who likes to “Live Más.”
—Gustave Gerhardt, lead engineer
Mondo wine glass
Big Betty Wine Glass
Finally, a glass fit for a proper serving. I’m sure there will be people at your white elephant gift exchange who think this is a joke, and you can laugh along as if it were. But it’s not. We all know this is how much wine we want in one sitting. —Dorie Chevlen, Wirecutter contributor
Dating by the stars
Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes
If I tried to count the number of partners I have accosted with photos from Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes to prove or disprove our compatibility, it would take me days, weeks, even longer than it has already taken me to write this blurb. Thanks to Starsky and Cox, I have ignored the texts of a Gemini who hadn’t paid for dinner in weeks, and I’ve broken up with a Sagittarius over beers (leaving in a booze-soaked T-shirt, unfortunately). I recommend this highly researched and damn-near clairvoyant book for anyone who’s dating a lot, dating a little, or even considering dating on the messy plane that is our human existence. —Justin Krajeski, staff writer
For Keanu fans
The Evolution of Keanu Reeves T-shirt
What do you call a T-shirt featuring the last actor unmarred by public scandal? Keanu Short-sleeves! Whether your friends are more sci-fi-oriented (hello, Matrix Keanu), love a good rom-com (hello, Always Be My Maybe, Keanu), or want to cry their eyes out (hello, My Own Private Idaho Keanu), there is a Keanu on this shirt for each of them. —Dorie Chevlen, Wirecutter contributor
Big mitts
Fred & Friends Bear Hands Oven Mitts
Imagine this: You’re baking cookies with your friend and the oven timer chimes. You joyously rush to the oven to retrieve your treats when your friend reminds you, “The tray is hot! Don’t touch it with your bare hands!” You look at your friend with a chaotic smile before dramatically turning around to show off your bear-paw oven mitts. “Bare hands? What about BEAR hands?!” Immediately, you get a promotion, meet your soulmate, and achieve world peace. —Nikki Duong, video producer
Fleabag swag
Fleabag Magnets/Coasters
Whether your friends are fans of the multi-Emmy-winning show or merely Hot Priest enthusiasts (as we all are), these handcrafted magnets and coasters will certainly liven up their holiday season. —Haley Sprankle, updates writer
Poo-fect office companions
Poo-Pourri Before You Go Toilet Spray, In a Pinch Pack
Pooping in the comfort of your own home is one of the greatest joys in life. But when nature calls at an inopportune moment—say, in a small, poorly ventilated office bathroom—it helps to have a trick up your sleeve. Spritzing a few doses of Poo-Pourri into the toilet bowl before you go helps mask lingering odors, and (though it can’t prevent nuclear meltdowns) offers some peace of mind. Poo-Pourri’s on-the-go set—including scents like citrus, lavender vanilla, and hibiscus—would make a practically poo-fect white elephant gift. —Sarah Witman, staff writer
Eyeshadow by the slice
I Heart Revolution Tasty Pizza Palette
I own this, and all of my friends envy it. It’s a silly concept for a makeup palette with very versatile, usable warm colors. And the shadows are well pigmented for a palette at this price. —Sarah Saril, deals writer
A Christmas miracle
Die Hard: The Authorized Coloring and Activity Book
You asked for miracles, I give you Die Hard: The Authorized Coloring and Activity Book. This 80-page masterpiece will have party guests running barefoot through broken glass just to get a glimpse of the hilarious drawings, puzzles, and other activities inside, all of which are based on the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Strap a pack of colored pencils or crayons to the back, and you’ve got yourself the perfect white elephant gift. Yippee-ki-yay! —Rachel Cericola, staff writer
For the sushi lover
Rainbow Socks Sushi Sox Box
Socks are an objectively good present—those who disagree have never pulled on a pair fresh from the dryer on a cold day. And though a pair of plain crew socks would probably be the least desired present at a white elephant, socks in the shape of sushi rolls? That’s a different matter entirely. With cute designs that are fun without being garish, these sushi socks manage to look as good wrapped up in packaging as they do on your feet. —Tim Barribeau, editor
A spicy tee
Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce T-shirt
This T-shirt was a hot-ticket item at my family’s white elephant gift exchange last year. I picked it because I thought it was funny—and I love to put Sriracha on pretty much anything. But I actually wear it a lot. It’s super-comfy to sleep in, and sometimes I even wear it out of the house tucked into a pair of high-waisted jeans. —Sarah Witman, staff writer
Downward gnome
Juvale Miniature Yoga Gnome Set
Gnomes are not diamond necklaces. They’re not a Nintendo Switch. They won’t dazzle or do cool tricks. They don’t do anything, really. And such is their magic. Unless your white elephant giftee is the office scrooge, gnomes are guaranteed to put a smile on their face. These little yogi garden dwellers go one step further by offering some inner peace, too. Hang them on a window-sill planter, as I do with mine. Let them chaturanga dandasana on your bookshelf. Encourage them to focus on their breathing. Namaste and happy holidays. —Christina Colizza, research editor
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