Dear Prudence

Dear Prudence Uncensored: The Daughter and the Dog

Every week, Danny Ortberg and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: the daughter and the dog.

Nicole: Oh, good lord, who cares about the dog’s name?

Danny: You referred to childbirth as WHELPING

Nicole: Katy the human doesn’t give a shit

Danny: everyone is clear on when they mean “dog Katie” and when they mean “human Katy,” this is not a problem

Nicole: Yeah, that hit me RIGHT AWAY

You are being unreasonable

Danny: I feel bad for your daughter because I feel like this isn’t the first time

you’ve tried to make her angry about something that wasn’t a problem

because you want her to be angry with you

Nicole: We have like nine dogs named Bo in family plus three humans named Bo

It’s never been an issue

Cease seeking drama

Danny: they didn’t even name the dog Katie, it showed up already with that name

Nicole: EXACTLY

Danny: renaming a dog requires a lot of dark magic and you want to save that for emergencies

Nicole: YEAH this is not a problem

You are the problem, quit it

Danny: that line about “I can’t afford to go back to court” worries me because it makes me think she…believes if she had the money, a judge might demand that her ex rename his dog

you would be laughed out of court!

Nicole: LAUGHED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE

The idea you thought court was an OPTION

you need to take your whole life down a notch

Danny: I would advise you to start saving up for counseling because I really think you need someone who can help you gain perspective on what’s important and what’s worth getting angry about

and in the meantime maybe start taking long walks

try to journal

the level of anger here is way out of proportion

and do not refer to other people’s babies as whelps!

Nicole: Yes! You are not coping.

Danny: even if they are married to your ex-husband and you do not like them!

Nicole: It’s also great to check in before buying skates and so on!

She is trying to respect you?

Danny: oh I 100% read that as “this woman asks you everything in advance because the one time she bought your kid a sandwich without authorization you read her the riot act”

she’s DEFINITELY trying to make sure you feel involved and present when your kid is with her and making it clear she’s not trying to take over your territory or undermine your parenting

but you are bringing “late-in-life-Patricia-Highsmith” level anger to a slightly goofy name coincidence

do not end up like late-in-life Patricia Highsmith!!

Nicole: NOPE

NEVER

except snails under your boobs

That’s cool

Danny: i heard the snail thing was apparently exaggerated

you must know someone who can confirm, surely