Every week, Danny Ortberg and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: cocaine at the school fundraiser.
Nicole: I’m going with a firm mind your own business here.
Nicole: Like you do not have to continue the friendship
if you don’t feel comfortable w her taking care of your kids, that’s fine and reasonable
Danny: my initial response was to say something to her later, like, “Hey, I did not love that you told me you’d been doing cocaine at the fundraiser, I’d appreciate if you didn’t do that in the future”
which strikes me as a reasonable intervention?
Nicole: I think that’s okay
Danny: I mean part of the problem is that people are either “it’s basically weed” about cocaine or “it’s basically a murder drug”
Nicole: It was an adult-only event, which made it less of a big thing to me
Danny: I certainly think it was irritating and dumb as hell
you think you’re on an episode of The OC?
Nicole: Why would you tell anyone???
Danny: also, it’s tacky to announce you’ve done drugs you have no intention of sharing!
Nicole: VERY tacky
Danny: either tell someone because you know they like that drug too and you want to share it with them
or keep it to yourself
of course, one of the main side effects of cocaine is that it makes you want to tell everyone you’ve just done cocaine
Nicole: I am sure the LW’s facial expression prob got her message across real well
Danny: circumspect cocaine users are rare
Danny: so I agree that OP probably does not have to worry that this means their friend is doing coke while they’re babysitting the kids
Nicole: But yeah, I seriously doubt she’s doing bumps when w the kids
Danny: but I also want to leave open the option of saying “I did not enjoy that conversation and I don’t want you to tell me about your cocaine use in the future”
Nicole: lol great minds
I think that’s fine
I withdraw my blanket MYOB
Danny: no I think it’s nice when we disagree a bit
Nicole: KEEPS THE PEOPLE ON THEIR TOES
Danny: I think we’re both firmly anti “tell everyone and make sure no one lets their kids play with her kids”
Danny: that would be an overreaction, I think
Nicole: that would be a wildly out of pocket choice
Danny: but yeah, you are absolutely allowed to find that unappealing and to not want to be especially close with her anymore
your kids will still see each other at school and can hang out at your house, they’re seven, it’s fine
Nicole: also as a parent in her mid-thirties, like, people are not dead, once a year doing something wild in an adult environment is not a massive deal
You do not have to be close anymore
And also, she knows why
Danny: remember that Amy Sohn piece about cocaine parents in NYC on the Awl from back in like, 2012
Danny: THIS is the problem with cocaine, I think
Nicole: (Among others)
Danny: either you end up adopting an attitude like ‘The 40-Year-Old Reversion’ that’s very South-Park-style ‘fuck you, ain’t I a stinker?’
or you end up feeling like a real scold and a fussbudget
Danny: and I dislike both of those positions
Danny: as always, I continue to search for the ideal “I don’t do cocaine myself but I have a perfectly reasonable attitude towards others who do” position
it may not exist!!
Nicole: I TOO seek to find this place
Danny: perhaps for those of us who came of age with Sweet Valley High books it’s impossible
because we imprinted on Regina Morrow doing cocaine ONCE and DYING
Nicole: For me it’s PCP
Danny: because of Go Ask Alice?
Nicole: Canadian high schools were VERY INTO PCP HORROR STORIES
I guess I come down on “it’s absolutely fine to be weirded out by hard drug use at a school fundraiser and make choices around friendship accordingly.”
“But your kids can still play.”
Danny: a good line to come down on!