Every week, Danny Ortberg and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: the local versus long-distance dates.
Danny: so obviously the beginning is VERY intense! Which makes me feel sort of optimistic for this letter writer:
like, you have had to make WAY more challenging decisions than this one in the last year. You’ve got this!
Nicole: Oh, 100%. I’m amazed you have your head above water enough to be choosing between two gutsy guys!
Fuck your ex, btw
What an ASSHOLE
I think it’s clear that you do not in fact want to be w local guy
Nicole: That doesn’t mean you have to be with Unconventional LDR
but I think we’re all clear local guy is not setting you on fire w love
Danny: and it also doesn’t sound like either one is pushing you for a decision tomorrow
Danny: I know you say the DTR feels imminent with one or both of them, but that’s just a conversation
Nicole: It can be “I’m having fun, are you?”
Nicole: you do not need to hurl yourself back into marriage
I encourage against it
Danny: “I’m not interested in being exclusive, how do you feel about that”
especially because you don’t say whether kids are a factor right now
sorry, I don’t mean to introduce that topic super lightly
I just mean I feel like if you felt like you were in a place of “I already had to make a really painful decision about kids with my last partner and they’re my biggest priority so I feel motivated to pursue someone who wants to have kids pretty soon,” you would have said so
Nicole: Yes, I agree completely
Danny: and that’s sort of the only reason I could think of for wanting to have these conversations right away and very “are you in or out”
Nicole: I think it’s super painful and she can’t imagine having THAT talk
take some time
Danny: yes! take your time, be honest and upfront about what you’re available for and what you aren’t
Nicole: I just care about this poor woman so much
Danny: if that eventually means that hometown guy taps out, that sounds fine; I think he sounds like a nice guy and a fun short-term relationship to remind you what it’s like to be treated well
Nicole: I do not want her to rush anything
Danny: but he is not your next forever relationship
Nicole: therapy, as always
you have undergone something so painful
Danny: and I also felt bad about the idea that it’s “having your cake and eating it too” by … having a boyfriend who’s nice to you AND who you’re really into
Danny: like, that is not too much to ask of a relationship!
Nicole: You deserve to be loved by someone you love
Danny: that is a good INDUSTRY STANDARD
lots of people are very nice and kind to me but I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them
Danny: it’s definitely important, how you feel about the other person, not just how nice they are
Nicole: Everyone in your life should be nice to you!
Danny: Yeah that bit about “do grown women have to decide this sort of thing alone” makes me feel like you’re being a little harder on yourself than you need to
Danny: this isn’t the season finale of Hart of Dixie where you HAVE to make a choice before the next commercial break
you are allowed to be a little unsure, to take your time, to ask for things you want, to hold out for relationships that don’t feel like you’re settling