By Buzz Bissinger
The column was due last week. Reading between the lines of his careful diplomacy, I could tell that my editor was getting impatient, as if saying to himself how fucking hard is it for fuck’s sake to write a few fucking graphs about fucking facial masks. I emailed him that I had not been feeling well, the writer equivalent of the dog ate my homework. There was truth to it, but I was trying to stall. Unlike my unforgettable classics on to-retinol-or-not and lip balm and the great deodorant experiment with my wife Lisa, I just wasn’t feeling the poetry.
That is, until I realized that the primal nature of applying goop to your face, is not a poetic act nor a particularly beautiful one. It is the human version of smearing cream cheese on a bagel. You dab it onto the entirety of your face and neck until you look suitably ridiculous, leave it on until it’s dry and begins to crack, then wash it off.
There is always the nagging sensation with skin care that it’s all a bunch of marketing malarkey, all those exotic-sounding ingredients coming from the Jersey swampland where Jimmy Hoffa is buried — made from the natural thistle root of Jersicus Maximus Raticus. But the GlamGlow Supermud facial treatment mask really really works.
My shrink Penny Stark says I look appreciably younger, and while I pay her to give such compliments to ease image issues, I believe that she believes it. Supermud is a blend of six different acids, activated x-charcoal, and K-17 clay. The claim is that it “helps loosen dead skin cells to exfoliate and sweep them away, leaving fresh, smooth skin behind.” It is not hype. I initially tried it a couple of months ago on the recommendation of a sales associate at Sephora. It is a dark shade of gray and almost creamy in consistency, in other words, not too muddy. I dab it on with the rudimentary two-finger approach, which makes it uneven to the extent that I am going to start using a brush (I just got these). I then go about my business and leave it on for 15 to 20 minutes.
The first time I used it: Meh…
But the second time.
My face looked bright and appreciably younger, in particular the area around the eyes and cheekbone. My forehead, usually an oasis of bland and weary, transformed as well. The results are not temporary but last from application to application. I also love how my face feels afterward, clean and vibrant and restored. Because of the acidic content I started off using it only once a week, but now I am up to two and will soon go up to the recommended maximum of three.
Another Strategist-approved mask
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