Downtime

Should You Throw a Slice of American Cheese on Your Baby’s Face?

A careful analysis.

A baby facing down some American cheese.
Eh, don’t.
Photo illustration by Slate.

A sandwich, pasta, French fries: These are all items that might reasonably be improved by adding some cheese. Notice that nowhere on that list did you see an entry for “babies.” To be clear, there is no benefit, neither nutritional nor tastewise, to adding cheese to a baby. And yet, a series of videos that’s gaining attention on Twitter suggests that cheese makes a great complement to any baby.

Babies are defenseless creatures who can’t protect themselves when cheese is thrown in their direction and sometimes can’t figure out how to remove the cheese, which leaves them suspended in a cheesy limbo state until an adult steps in to provide assistance. This, you might argue, is what makes “cheesing” great, but doesn’t that seem a little easy? It’s like dunking on a baby. Is it also funny when babies get hit by anvils or conked on the head or fall off cliffs or end up in any Wile E. Coyote–like situation? It is kind of funny when babies fall down, but not if they actually get hurt: No one wants to see a baby in distress. And cheesing a baby is a quick recipe for exactly that.

To review: Adding cheese to food? Often a great idea! Adding cheese to a baby? Don’t do it!