When news broke Sunday night of Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande’s tragically short-lived betrothal, it felt like the final nail in the coffin of a long, sweaty summer of celebrity engagements. Fall has arrived and reportedly so has the end of “Grandson,” a pairing so iconic they gave us not only the succinct bop “Pete Davidson” on Grande’s third studio album “Sweetener,” but also the concept of Big Dick Energy, which will stay with us forever. It’s fair to say that with the couple’s end, we can expect romance, love, and human relations in general to officially keel over and die.
Like their super-charged engagement, the couple’s dissolution left us with as many questions as it did answers. What’s going to happen to that $93,000 engagement ring? According to TMZ, Ariana hastily returned it, but what does one do with a returned engagement ring? Keep it for the next paramour? Pawn it? And while Davidson gets the ring back, Grande apparently gets to keep their pet teacup pig, aptly named Piggy Smallz. Who gets to stay in the $16 million apartment that Grande purchased is up in the air, as she’s reportedly been staying away.
But the most important question, to my mind at least, is what, exactly, the two are going to do about their many shared tattoos? In the four months that the Grandson engagement rocked our collective worlds, the couple got at least eight tattoos that directly reference each other, including the tattoo adorning Grande’s right ring finger that simply reads “Pete.” In addition to that completely subtle piece of ink, the couple also has: matching tiny clouds on their fingers; the word “reborn” and an acronym of Grande’s favorite phrase “Honest to God, knock me out” on their thumbs; and Davidson’s late father’s FDNY badge number “8418” on Grande’s ankle and his arm. Sounds like some lucky tattoo artist out there is going to have a lot of covering up to do.
In that heroic effort, there is to be found a cautionary reminder that all couples future and present should heed: Never get matching tattoos. While there are some enlightened individuals out there who can look at a permanent reminder of a failed relationship every day and not cringe, I’d venture that people that mature are few and far between. We mere mortals are reminded of our mistakes enough without needing to look at someone else’s faded, blurry initials enshrined on a wrist, or an inside joke that was never really that funny permanently sketched on an ankle.
Of course, inking a representation of someone you currently love into your skin sounds incredibly romantic, and it seems safe to say that no one ever gets a matching tattoo with their significant other if they plan on breaking up. Still, there are few things besides children that are more permanent and costlier to deal with post-split than a tattoo. So maybe take some advice from the tattoo artist who did an extensive cover-up of Davidson’s Cazzie David tattoo and save that particular everlasting commitment until after you tie the knot. Or at least until you’ve lived together for longer than four months … whichever comes first.