Who Would Buy This Thing? is a series that spotlights particularly egregious commercial objects and tries to imagine who might indeed pay money to own them.
Designer baby clothes are one of the many small absurd and irrational joys I take in life. There’s little chance that I’ll be able to afford them ever, nor is there a baby in my immediate future. Yet I can’t help but stop and stare at storefronts displaying tiny Balenciaga, miniature Jordan’s, and pint-size Stella McCartney. It’s true that purchasing compact couture for your offspring objectively makes no sense unless you’re Kim Kardashian or Gwyneth Paltrow—why spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on something that will go unappreciated by the wearer and be rapidly outgrown and potentially pooped or vomited on? And yet, there’s something undeniably and delightfully bijou about seeing a tot outfitted in Seventh Avenue finery. That said, implicit in the market of high-end children’s clothing should be the knowledge that because the item will soon be discarded or ruined by the various fluids that children tend to leak, price points should be lower than their adult counterparts.
Unreasonably expensive adult fashion makes at least a modicum of sense as a status symbol with some longevity. Similarly priced garments for babies only highlight the absurdity in shelling out thousands of dollars for a logo. When the toddler garb in question costs more than the adult version, well, we’re tipping into Dada territory. Take for example, this Supreme onesie, designed to fit babies between the ages of 12 and 18 months, currently going for a smooth $20,000 on Grailed, “a curated community marketplace for men’s clothing.” No, you did not read that wrong. For about one-third of the average yearly income of an American household, you can purchase the “Supreme ‘Stuntin Like My Daddy’ Box Logo Onsie in Gray.” And yes, that spelling error is included in the website copy.
The heather-gray onesie, first spotted by the Cut, features the “ubiquitous [Supreme] box logo graphic on front” and the phrase “Stuntin Like My Daddy” on back. Why Daddy is the stunter and not Mommy is left up to us, the viewers, to decide. According to Grailed, the onesie isn’t even made by Supreme: The logo was “printed on an American Apparel Onesie in China Town.” So why is this onesie, perfect for the burgeoning tiny hypebeast, going for an eye-popping $20,000? It apparently was gifted to designer Matthew Williams, founder and creative director of the fashion label Alyx, by Supreme’s founder, James Jebbia. Along with the onesie, 135 other pieces from Williams’ personal archive also went up on Grailed to create “an interactive timeline covering the life and work of the ALYX designer.” Proceeds from the sale will go toward an orphanage Williams is helping to fund in Lamu, Kenya; so at the very least, a portion of the 20 grand will go toward a good cause. At the time of writing, 119 people were apparently looking to drop a considerable amount of cash for this extremely basic onesie. So if you want to start your child on the trend-chasing route early, you’ll have to act fast.
Who Would Buy This Thing? A newly expecting philanthropic acolyte of Justin Bieber.