Dear Prudence

Dear Prudence Uncensored: the Therapist and the Critical Friend

Every week, Danny and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: the Therapist and the Critical Friend.

Danny: I wish I had more examples for this one!

Nicole: I think that the only thing you have knowledge of is that YOUR relationship with your therapist has been productive!

I am not sure why Sammy feels equipped to accurately gauge what was said in someone else’s therapy.

Danny: right, and all we know of Sammy is that she’s willing to roundly abuse her former friend to someone she’s only very recently become close to

Nicole: I would definitely continue to steer conversations away from your therapist when talking to Sammy, but also keep an eye on whether you are pulling away from too many other relationships.


I am not getting a great vibe from Sammy.

Danny: tell Sammy you don’t want to hear any more about her relationship with Anna because it makes you uncomfortable

it’s not really your business, Anna was never a friend of yours, etc

Nicole: It would really make Anna feel uncomfortable! And by extension would make me unbelievably uncomfortable.

Danny: and if Sammy really objects to that, it might be a sign that she’s the one with unreasonable expectations, not Anna

Nicole: Yes. If she tends to ride roughshod over people and discovered that two people who started working with this therapist both pulled back and started putting more boundaries down…

We can’t KNOW what’s up, but so far the only person who has behaved in a clearly inappropriate way is Sammy.

Danny: there are a number of possible interpretations but absent more information i just don’t know

Nicole: I just cannot imagine assuming I knew the intimate details of someone else’s therapy when all I knew was that the person was pulling back from me a bit.

Danny: yes! get your own therapist, Sammy