Every week, Danny and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: the wedding drama.
Nicole: DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO YOUR SISTER IN LAW! You can communicate to your brother that you’re surprised she’s upset, as it’s absolutely standard for members of the wedding party to walk down the aisle with people they are not in relationships with!
It sounds like he’s upset too, which is a) bananas and b) something he could have asked about changing at the time?
If there were other wedding party members not walking with their romantic partners, reference them to show it’s not just you.
I do sense the walking is the excuse to be mad, and she is ACTUALLY mad bc she thinks she should have been in the wedding party.
Danny: I’m inclined to be a little craven on this one and give a half-apology, something along the lines of “I’m sorry you were upset, and if I’d known how much it meant to you I would have arranged something differently. I can tell you I didn’t mean to slight you, and I was just arranging the attendants in the standard way.”
I mean, it was a year ago, which is such a weird thing to still be mad about now!
Nicole: Yeah, if there’s ever an occasion for a “sorry you were offended,” it’s now.
You’re not giving ground AND making it sound like you could have accommodated her request if she had actually made one.
Danny: Yeah, you can remind him that you did a super normal thing and that neither of them objected at the time, so you’re surprised to learn they’re upset about it now.
You can also, if you want to be fully craven, claim that you’d have happily accommodated their request if only they’d said something at the time. Which is a lie! And could potentially get you into further trouble in the future! But it’s, you know, there if you want to use it.
Back to the non-lying advice: I do like your idea, though—start with your brother, don’t exacerbate the situation by making it obvious you think she’s being unreasonable, and if the “I’m sorry you felt bad” apology doesn’t soothe her, then absolutely, throw up your hands and smile and don’t worry about her feelings another minute.