Dear Prudence

Dear Prudence Uncensored: The Intrusive Roommate

Every week, Danny and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: My roommate won’t let me shower with my boyfriend.

Nicole: [after Danny submitted another, more fraught question] Oh, no. Not this one, it’s too sad. [Upon reading the subsequent, evidently more satisfactory letter] HA, this guy. HA. You need to start looking for a new roommate.

Danny: I mean! He leaves the stove on. I do not want you to die in your bed because your roommate forgot to turn a knob when he was done cooking and burned down the house!

Nicole: Yep, time to get outta Dodge. He’s awful and also creepy.

Danny: And it’s not as if he’s saying, “This is a shared space and you tie up the bathroom for too long/leave a mess/make too much noise.”

Nicole: People also don’t turn around on stuff like that when they do not like you. They can barely turn it around if they DO like you.

Danny: He’s saying “I can’t turn off my imagination when you two take a shower,” which is hardly some unheard-of form of coupled intimacy. Also: You can control your thoughts, my man! Or, at the very least, you can choose not to make other people responsible for said thoughts.

Nicole: While you’re looking for another roommate, make sure your boyfriend is not spending an unreasonable amount of time at your apartment (unless he’s on the lease), but fuck him in the shower all you want. It’s a gross thing to say and implies he has a controlling stake in your sex life.

Danny: Beyond the standard roommate’s stake, which, you know, you basically have the right to say “Please keep it down when I’m at home, try not to wake everyone up in the middle of the night, and stay clothed in the common areas unless we have some sort of nudist agreement.”

I mean, if your shared bathroom is in plain sight of the rest of the house, don’t abruptly get up from the dinner table at 7pm and disappear, whispering and giggling, into the bathroom together and tie up the shower for thirty minutes. Be polite, of course.

(So many “shared bath etiquette” questions lately! I’m reminded of that earlier LW who took hour-long baths and wanted to know if that was rude when they had guests over.)

Nicole: I remember that! How did she not get out after twenty minutes the first time someone knocked?

Danny: I have faith that that LW wants to do right by others and will change her ways! She seemed genuinely unaware of how rude she was being.

Nicole: Yeah, she did seem pretty surprised by how she came across. But this roommate is just creepy.

Danny: Yeah, I’d like to invite this guy to do something other than sit around imagining what this LW and their boyfriend do together in the shower.
Take up a hobby! Learn to bake bread or something!

Nicole: And make him live somewhere else!