Every week, Mallory and Nicole Cliffe discuss a Prudie letter. This week: Is it obligatory to switch seats in a movie theater?
Nicole: SERIOUSLY: STAY PUT
ARRIVE IN TIME, LOSERS.
Mallory: wow, NO MERCY from Nicole Cliffe
you’re the nice one of the two of us! I genuinely expected a softer answer
Nicole: Oh, hang on, by “move down” do they mean like, to the right?”
Mallory: I think “move down” means “move within the row”
Nicole: Because I was interpreting it as going down to a different aisle
Mallory: No, but it sounds like it meant they had to start sitting next a stranger who coughed a lot, which is a bummer, but if the people had sat down next to them that might have happened regardless
wait, is “arrive in time” a Canadian thing?
or did you mean to say “on time”
Nicole: I would totally move within the row if they were polite
but you can’t insist on that
I would never go to a different row for a bunch of latecomers
Mallory: is that like “standing on line”
because every 1 out of 100 times that someone is talking about lines they will call it “standing on line” and I become disoriented and hostile
Nicole: oh, it was definitely an autocorrect
Mallory: is it only in New York that people say that? like, WHENCE AND WHEREFORE that phrase?
Nicole: yep, that’s the only place I’ve ever heard it in the wild
Mallory: the only reason I think you SHOULD move seats in a movie theater is if it’s a matter of accessibility, everything else is optional
or if you’re feeling generous, like a Roman emperor allowing a gladiator to survive the arena
Nicole: or maybe a kid, but only AT a kids’ movie
I’m not moving at Ragnarok for some kid
although look, you know me, I would move even if a total jerk asked me
but I am outraged for OTHERS
Mallory: I mean, some of this is just the problem of living in the world
sometimes in life you have to share an armrest and life is a series of petty indignities and you can’t fully control for or avoid that
me, the second someone coughs near me: I am a member of American Gothic, a stoic and quiet people who toil in the fields by day and sleep soundly a’night, life is suffering and I take solace in the words of John Calvin, all things are immutable
Nicole: Everyone needs assigned seating, LIKE WE SENSIBLY HAVE HERE IN UTAH
Mallory: no one has ever asked me to move seats and now I feel like I’m missing out
Nicole: Assigned seating is the best
Mallory: YOU’RE THE BEST
Nicole: I know what needs to be done.