America’s bosom buddy Vladimir Putin graciously tweeted a note of appreciation to Russia’s women on Wednesday, in observation of International Women’s Day. His face a stone mask of irrepressible enthusiasm, the Russian president offered “congratulations” to the women of his nation for being both alive and woman on this very day.
The tweet’s corresponding blog post is pure poetry, filled with super-nice compliments for women, including “you fill this world with beauty and vitality” and “you care day and night for your children, grandchildren and your family.” Women always be “giving warmth and comfort,” Putin wrote, calling to mind a very snug ushanka that can also perform the bulk of basic household duties 24 hours a day in a full face of makeup.
In fact, women’s admirable capacity for endless labor, even on days explicitly meant to celebrate them, caused Putin to marvel in awe. “Even today, on International Women’s Day, you are still caught up in your routine, working tirelessly, always on time. We often ask ourselves, how do they manage it all?” he wrote. Such a perceptive question! Maybe if men took some of the time they “often” spend ruminating on the superhuman caregiving capacity of women and used it to take ownership over their own schedules, feed and clean up after themselves, and generally grow the hell up, the answer would appear all on its own.
“Most importantly, we love and treasure you,” wrote the president of Russia, a country that recently decriminalized domestic violence with support from the Russian Orthodox Church. “No wonder men have been celebrating women in music and poetry for centuries.” So true, so humbling—for centuries, women have accomplished much and made indelible contributions to society, namely as sexualized muses for the creative works of men.
Putin ended his ode to women with a call for male solidarity that would make Emma Watson proud. “That said, women also need men’s support,” he wrote. “We will remember that always, not only today. We will do our outmost to surround the women we love with care and attention, so that they can smile more often.” There may be no lovelier expression of the state of women around the globe than President Trump’s BFF using Twitter to tell the 80-odd million women of Russia to smile.