According to companies that manufacture pink doodads, we could totally cure breast cancer if it weren’t for all the people who are unaware of breast cancer. Since pink means women, and women mean breasts, pink things are the best way to make people aware of breast cancer, and thus cure it.
Like breast cancer, fighter jets kill women, making these instruments of war perfect on-message vehicles for the deadly weapons of awareness. They will fly through the skies, blasting tumors and lack-of-awareness with their missiles, bringing pink death and pink destruction and pink civilian casualties and pink refugee crises and pink destruction of cultural heritage wherever their noble cancer-aware pilots lead. The U.S. plane happens to be a Cougar—get it?! Women.
I truly wish I could be more upset about the union of breast cancer, a disease that afflicts millions of people around the world, and contraptions designed to kill and destroy. I am currently mourning the days when my underencumbered outrage bandwidth could accommodate a healthy degree of offense over this year’s batch of pink nonsense. But all I can think right now is, hey, at least that pink fighter jet isn’t groping women’s vaginas and also maybe going to be president. We’re doing all right.
KIII News reports that the Navy plane was covered in pink latex paint mixed with dishwashing liquid. This way, it’ll wash right off when Breast Cancer Awareness Month is over, leaving us with just our braless breasts and yogurt lids to remind us of the disease.