It has come to our attention that some people are asking whether Tim Kaine, the Democratic candidate for vice president, used to be hot. First of all, we thank you for raising this important issue. Evaluating a politician’s past hotness is one of the most crucial parts of our democratic process, but it can also be confusing terrain. Was he really hot, or was he just young? If he was hot then, does that mean that he’s hot now? We are happy to assist in guiding you through this anxious time.
Let’s evaluate the evidence and some of the chatter on Twitter.
Above we have conclusive proof that Tim Kaine used to be younger than he currently is. Many of us looked hotter when we were younger. Does it follow that young Tim Kaine = hot Tim Kaine? Not necessarily—some people improve with age. But the people that posted these tweets are ready to throw down the hotness flag based on these photos. Should we all?
The truth is that these are very compelling photos. The cheekbones certainly earned Kaine some points with our judges, as did the plaid and the young-dad-vibes of the color pictures. The full head of brown hair stands in contrast to Kaine’s current look. The man knew which buttons to leave undone on his shirts.
But a few stray pictures alone does not hotness make. We all know about angles and lighting and tricks cameras can play and the classic wisdom about how when you are running for office you only release the most attractive photos from your youth. What if this is a hotness mirage? After all:
Surely if he were really hot, there would be abundant pictures of said hotness. We have many, many pictures of Hillary Clinton in full vintage regalia, for instance. We hate to say it, but we are not yet ready to declare Tim Kaine hot, at least until further examples surface. We need more photos, Sen. Kaine. Show. Us. The. Receipts. One really mustn’t rush to judgment on such important matters.