Lexicon Valley

Four Femmes on the Thames

Still of  Four Femmes On The Thames.
Still of Four Femmes on the Thames.

Still via 4femmesonthethames

This post originally appeared on Strong Language, a sweary blog about swearing

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The Four Femmes on the Thames are a cabaret-style group who specialize in old-style jazz and swing music with a comedy twist. Their song “Woman Up” was described by Holly Brockwell at Gadgette as the sweary feminist anthem of the year. I’m sure you can see the Strong Language angle (and appeal) already.

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The title, if you’re wondering, inverts the sexist idiom man up, and instead of grow a pair the Femmes suggest that people grow a twat, recalling a quip (“Grow a vagina—those things can take a pounding”) often misattributed to Betty White. The song is a three-minute NSFW delight; lyrics and more below the fold:

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“Woman Up”

I don’t know about you
But just lately I’ve been thinking
That the way we praise the brave is quite bizarre.
It’s a phrase we misconstrue
And is spoken without blinking
That men’s bollocks are the strongest thing by far.

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Allow us to analyse.

Balls are dangling there all vulnerable and limp
Whereas the growler is certainly no wimp.
She can take a pounding, but he can’t take a tug—
It’s time we started praising the greatness of the rug.

(Chorus)
You’ve got to grow a hairy twat
I’ll put my cunt on the line for that.
People everywhere have got to stop “growing a pair”
And woman up and grow a twat.

If you poke around them, balls will make you cringe
But not the black, not the blonde or even the ginger minge.
She can put out babies directly from her flower—
Let’s hear it for vaginas, let’s cheer for pussy power.

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(Chorus)
You’ve got to grow a full-blown muff
I’ll put my cunt on the line, so tough … titties.
People everywhere have got to stop “growing a pair”
And woman up and grow a muff.

All shout hooray for vajayjay,
Let’s take the plunge for the clunge.
Don’t be a diva—celebrate the beaver
Excuse me, world, I beg your pardon,
Have you met my lady garden?

(Chorus)
You’ve got to grow a grizzly twat
I’ll put my cunt on the line for that.
People everywhere have got to stop “growing a pair”
And woman up and grow a cat.
(We mean a pussy)
Woman up and grow a twat.

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So when you hear of testes,
Remember, flange is besties
And woman up, woman up,
Woman up and grow a quimsnatchtunnel of love
Woman up and grow a twat.

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Lyrics are by Katy Baker, who sings with Abbey Mordue, Emma Drysdale, and Grace Rowe. Music is by Gavin Whitworth, who plays piano; Adam Storey is on bass, and Huw Williams is on drums. I’ll do another sweary songs extravaganza sometime but figured this one deserved immediate attention. In the meantime, you can see the Four Femmes’ other videos here, including the defiant lament “Everybody’s Fucking but Me” (“My pussy’s useful only when I pee”):

And the innuendo-laden “The Shard” (purporting to refer to this building):

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Finally, for more synonyms of the “venerable monosyllable,” don’t miss the slang timeline by Jonathon Green, to whose dictionary many of the lyric links point.