Q: Disneyland disaster: I live in a two-bedroom apartment fairly close to Disneyland. I have seen more of my sisters and their kids in the past three years than the past 10. At first I was delighted to pick them up and see them, but now I am tired of being a hotel room. They come for a week, and I barely see them beyond the mess they leave behind. I don’t expect an aunt to compete with Mickey, but I am hurt my sisters won’t go out to dinner with me. Can I lie and tell them I have other commitments when they want to come?
A: You don’t have to invent a fictional termite infestation or anything like that, but you can absolutely tell them, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to host, but there are some great hotels in the area,” the next time they ask to use your house as a crash pad. Offer to meet them for lunch while they’re in town, but I have a suspicion that if you’re not offering them a free place to stay, they won’t clear their schedules to spend time with you.
Q. Found out about husband’s fetish: After signing up for one of those websites that helps you budget by linking with your bank account, I found some purchases made to a strange website. My husband and I have separate accounts, but they all show up when I log in. I asked him what the purchase was so I could code it for budget purposes, and he said entertainment. I asked him what exactly it was, and he didn’t answer. I did some digging and found out it is a pay system people use to cover their tracks, usually if purchasing porn. I looked up what exactly he had paid for—a recurring payment for foot fetish porn and one payment for some piss porn. I am grossed out and uncomfortable about the piss stuff, but I’m not a complete prude, and I realize people like weird stuff. Should I broach this subject with him? Maybe I can get him to pay for my pedicures …
A: Your husband sounds charmingly terrible at covering his tracks. “It’s for … entertainment, honey. Yes. To be entertained. I cannot be more specific.” A urine fetish is definitely a little out of the ordinary, but it’s possible that he’s less interested in peeing on you than he is on watching attractive people doing extreme things together. It sounds like you two might be able to reach a delightful compromise on the foot fetish, though. See if he’s interested in incorporating you into that fantasy. You might just get free pedicures out of it. (Report back if you do!)