Actresses and proponents of the Bechdel test have long noted that too many roles for women basically amount to a walking, talking pair of breasts. That makes this recent casting call a refreshing break from pretense: The woman who lands this role will literally play a disembodied pair of breasts.
The post, found by the anonymous proprietor of the Casting Call Woe Tumblr, an actress who goes by Miss L, does a decent job selling the part. “No facial recognition,” it confirms, which could be a perk for actresses who don’t want to be known as the best-selling novelty item from Spencer’s Gifts. In case you couldn’t imagine what that looks like, here’s a sample image enclosed by the casting agency:
The audition process for this role could be even more taxing than a role that required the entire body. Actresses will have to convey complex emotion and character motivation using only her moneymakers, demanding perfect breast-eye coordination and exceptional pectoral finesse.
“It does pretty much sum up what so many casting calls are basically asking for their female characters, because so many parts are essentially just a pair of boobs anyway,” Miss L told me. “I’ve seen a fair few awful casting calls in my time, but this one is definitely up there with the most absurd.” Particularly intriguing is the demand for a relatively narrow age range, 25-30, as if 33-year-old breasts or 21-year-old breasts would be a noticeable departure from the character’s demographic.
Disembodied breasts have an illustrious history in the world of cinema. The most famous entry in the canon comes from body-spray juggernaut Axe, which used a head of hair and a pair of breasts to represent a man and a woman, respectively, in a timeless office rom-com in 2012.
Casting notices are notorious havens for demeaning racial stereotypes and misogyny, and Miss L has seen it all. One of her favorites: “She must be enough of a visual aesthetic to be believably the prey of a male stalker.” Another recent one: “We need an outgoing actress, great at improv, athletic, and ready to compete in our chicken chasing contest Topless!”
But what kind of film would cast an ominous pair of floating boobs? The name of the character is “show me the tits,” which suggests that it could be a pornographic take on Jerry Maguire. Miss L has better intel, though. “This particular one is apparently for a music video,” she says. “Guessing it’s the Robin Thicke effect, unfortunately.”