This post originally appeared on Strong Language, a sweary blog about swearing.
Wine brands, especially in the upstart, insecure New World, used to strain to sound serious and Frenchy-fancy. You had your Domains, your Clos, your Chateaus (“Pure Sonoma”!). Even $5 plonk could seem classy if it had a ridge or a mountain or a gate in its name. As James Thurber’s wine snob put it in the famous 1944 New Yorker cartoon, we may have been drinking naive domestic Burgundy, but at least we could be amused by its presumption.
If Thurber were cartooning today, he’d change that last word to presumptuousness. Because inappropriate language—from vulgarity to suggestiveness to scatology—is the hottest trend in wine branding.
Here’s a survey of rude wine names, in alphabetical rude-word order. (And, since you asked, I know a bunch of rude beer brands, too. I’m sticking to wine this time.)
Arse/Ass
Seigneurie d’Arse
This one’s actually French—from the Fitou appellation in Languedoc—although the spelling is British and, well, cheeky. Elsewhere in France there’s a Château d’Arces and a Château d’Ars; both are castles, not wineries.
BigAss
From the Milano Winery in Hopland (Mendocino County), California. Available in BigAss Red (“full, yet soft”) and BigAss Blonde (“lush and a bit creamy”)
Asshole
Stu Pedasso
You remember Stu, right? He’s the guy whose name the New York Times called “unprintable” back in 2011. (Say it aloud, but quietly if you aren’t alone.) Bevlog, a blog from Lehrman Beverage Law, had no such scruples. Alas, Stu and his wife, Rae-Jean Beach, appear to have vanished from “Sonoma Beach” and wine aisles.
Stu Pedasso and Rae-Jean Beach, R.I.P. To get the full flavor of the joke, pronounce “Sonoma” with emphasis on the first syllable.
Balls
The Ball Buster, a vigorous red, is bottled by Tait Wines in Australia’s Barossa Valley.
As seen in Costco, December 2011.
From the Tait website, some unencumbered-by-the-editing-process copy:
As the back label suggests, the wine was going to be called “Michelle’s Block” after my wife Michelle however we really wanted something punchier and eye catching; something that would standout and say “buy me”!! […] As soon as our USA importers tasted the barrel sample they got onto the phone and explained this wine needed another name, as “Michelle’s Block” conjures up visions of a soft and elegant sort of wine – and trust me mates, this little beauty is nothing like that.
Sitting down with our neighbors, a thesaurus and the wine in our glasses, we brainstormed many ideas for the wine and back label. We laughed how the wine industry can ‘bust your balls’ and cause blood, sweat and tears. So, with our ideas in mind, the discussions with our US importer and our US agent’s brilliant word-play ability, ‘The Ball Buster’ was created.Bastard Fat Bastard—styled, for reasons unknown, as FAT bastard—is a French wine produced by a British-French partnership; the name came from the British partner, who “had used the expression Fat bastard often to describe things that were great but hearing it in a French accent made it so much funnier.” Fat Bastard is also, of course, a henchman of Dr. Evil who appeared in the second and third Austin Powers movies (1999 and 2002, respectively). There’s also a Cranky Bastard blackberry wine made by Boutier Winery in Danielsville, Georgia. (That’s Georgia, U.S.A.) It’s a sweet wine, so the significance of the name is unclear. “Sweet Bastard” would have been cuter, IMO. (Time for a reminder that, yes, I know about bastard beer names: Dirty Bastard and Double Bastard [from Founders Brewing], Arrogant Bastard [from Stone Brewing]. Thanks for your interest, but we’re sticking to wine names here.) Bitch This is more than a label: It’s a category. In 2011, the New York Times’ William Grimes noted with something approaching alarm “a growing army of rude, budget-priced wines that have shoved their way into wine stores and supermarkets in the past few years.” The trend began in 2004 with an Australian Grenache called, simply, Bitch.

In the 21 years before 2001, we find not one BITCH approval [by TTB, the Alcohol Tobacco and Tax Bureau]. By contrast, in the 7 years since 2001, we find not less than 65 BITCH approvals. We don’t see any great need for the government to banish this term, on adult beverages, but we do wonder why it’s so prevalent. … Where is the wine relating to cranky men?You can swig any of these Bitch wines from a wineglass that proclaims “Don’t Be a Basic Bitch” or “Winey Bitch.” Fart Old Fart is (or, more likely, was) a Southern Rhone vin de pays. The label alone probably accounted for whatever success it enjoyed. The perfect gift for the boss!


The Brouilly cru also contains the famous Pisse Vieille vineyard (roughly translated as “piss old woman!”) which received its name from a local legend of a devout Catholic woman who misheard the local priest’s absolution to “Allez! Et ne péchez plus” (Go! And sin no more) as “Allez! Et ne pissez plus.” (Go! And piss no more). The vineyard name is the admonishment that her husband gave to her upon learning of the priest’s words.Sexually suggestive Naked Winery (“Let’s Get Naked!”) in Hood River, Oregon, has cornered this market. Their labels include Booty Call, Hookup, Foreplay, Bareback, Blazing Straddle, Penetration, Climax, and Oh! Orgasmic. Shit Not just ordinary shit, mind you—French shit! Le Vin de Merde (the tagline translates to “The worst hides the best”)—has a fly on its label and a high-quality grape blend inside the bottle; like Seigneurie d’Arse, it’s from Languedoc. (What’s up down there?) According to French News Online, the name is a direct reference to a disparaging comment made in 2002 by the chairman of a professional wine-tasting association, who described Beaujolais as “vin de merde.” Outraged winemakers “chased him through the courts”; the case ended up in France’s Supreme Court, which dismissed the winemakers’ claims. Je m’en fous, says Le Vin de Merde’s Jean-Marc Speziale: He’s crying all the way to the bank.
