Gentleman Scholar

The Best Way to Play Touch Football on Thanksgiving

How to enjoy the game without alienating and infuriating your loved ones.

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Thankful for his readers and hopeful of expressing this gratitude by devising a succulent audiovisual treat, the Gentleman Scholar herein discusses touch-football decorum. Alas, the video is not comprehensive; we did not have the time to explore contrasting approaches to the first down, for instance, or the implications of the U.S. Army’s having declared the game “an excellent activity” for young psychotics.

For further study, please consult the uncontested authority on Thanksgiving touch football, the Wall Street Journal’s Jason Gay, whose code of conduct prohibits trash talk. “No taunting, cursing or back-handed compliments,” Gay writes. “That’s what Thanksgiving dinner is for.”