Conservative politicians are just no fun at all these days. Once prone to clucking and braying about the satanic evils of the licentious homosexual agenda, most Republican legislators have learned to keep quiet about the gay stuff and focus on passing anti-gay legislation. Still, there remain a few all-stars in the shrinking roster of outspokenly anti-gay representatives—the stoning advocates, anal-sex obsessives, and scatologists who brighten up our nation’s statehouses.
Now I’m thrilled to report that Tuesday’s election brought us a new anti-gay superstar: Gordon “Dr. Chaps” Klingenschmitt, a former Navy chaplain, host of “Pray In Jesus Name,” possibly insane human being, and, come January, a member of the Colorado House of Representatives. You may have read Klingenschmitt’s book—which posits that President Barack Obama is possessed by “demonic spirits” of “death,” “paganism,” and “homosexual lust”—or seen his on-air exorcism of the president. (Sadly, Obama was not able to attend.) If so, you’ve really only gotten a taste of his talents. Klingenschmitt’s true passions lie not in presidential exorcisms, but on the topic of gays—and gay sex. Here’s Klingenschmitt’s description of two gay men “manifest[ing] sexual immorality”:
The notion that gay sex entails “cooperating with the devil” via “demonic spirits” inside your body is wonderfully provocative and tantalizing. But Klingenschmitt really reaches the heights of his rhetorical power on the topic of anal sex. Here, quoting another anti-gay extremist, he explains one alarming result of the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: Gay troops will have to pause on the battlefield to change their diapers.
Naturally, Klingenschmitt also lights up on the topic of children, and how gay people want to do disgusting things to them. The chaplain has described gay adoption as a “recruiting tool” and a “child abuse tool” and implied that gay parents lust after their children.
He has also (somewhat incomprehensibly) compared teaching children about gay marriage to mentally raping them.
On Tuesday, Klingenschmitt—a Republican—won 17,013 votes, defeating his Democratic opponent by a 40 percent margin. He will take his seat in the Colorado House of Representatives in January. We can only hope that his career in the legislature lives up to his already remarkable legacy.