Fox News, the Network Where “Spouse” Clearly Includes Your Dog

Love is love.

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As dedicated readers will know, I’ve always found Fox News somewhat charming: The channel’s unrelenting stream of bigoted mediocrity serves as its own best self-satire. Watching this low-rent nonsense curdle into black comedy is a favorite pastime of mine.

On Wednesday, Fox gave us another great entry into the “so doltish it must be parody” log via guest commentary by the always quotable Dr. Keith Ablow. When asked about a new, commonsensical California statute that replaces the words “husband and wife” with “spouses” throughout state law, Ablow labeled the measure “nuts,” explaining:

Here’s what we can expect. There’s no way that the state of California can deny a marriage license to four spouses now, eight spouses, or, I would say, three human spouses and the canine they absolutely love. Because if love is the foundation of marriage, they can love their dog, too.

The host tells Ablow, rather puzzlingly, “you’re one lucky guy” before ending the segment. He and his cohosts look visibly amused—as we all should be. At this point, Fox is an exercise in modern theater of the absurd, and its hard-right ramblings aren’t worth our umbrage. Instead, we should be thankful for the opportunity to watch the mouthpiece of mainstream American conservatism implode before our eyes.