Lululemon’s quest for world dominance continues apace, as bros have noticed that yoga pants are now hot. BroBible points to a bar in Washington, D.C., promoting a “yoga pants party,” which involves a $500 prize for the lady in the hottest yoga pants. I assume by “hottest yoga pant” they mean the “hottest booty encased in said yoga pants.” Given the ubiquity of the wet T-shirt contest in warmer climes, I’m not sure we need a different kind of contest for our northern sisters, though far be it from me to keep a good booty down.
On principle, though, I think encouraging women to wear yoga pants to the club is entirely sensible! I’m on record as being anti-yoga pants at the office, but da club is not da office. Going out dancing in the winter months is a trial: If you are dressed in a short skirt, you will be shivering to and from the dance party. Your feet will blister in their uncomfortable heels, and it’s much harder to get a cab when the temperatures plummet.
Wearing attractive yoga pants (which, by the way, are attainable at Target, the Gap, and other places at much more reasonable prices than whatever magical threads Lululemon is selling) to dance is a much better option. You can look cute, be warm, and still put your goods on display, if that’s your goal for the evening. Olds like me will remember that this isn’t so different from the black “ass pants” that were ubiquitous in the late 1990s and early aughts. Back then, you could not swing a dead cat on a Saturday night without hitting a young woman in some sad spandex blend and Steve Madden platforms. Speaking of those hideous Steve Madden platforms, you can wear comfortable shoes with yoga pants more easily than you could with a mini skirt or jumpsuit or shortie shorts or whatever those damn kids are wearing these days. (Get off my lawn.)
What’s also nice about the idea of yoga pants at the club is that it seems genuinely confusing to bros. The writer at BroBible doesn’t know what to make of it. “It’s about as … well, I don’t know what it is. Wrong? Okay? It could be anything,” the perplexed blogger writes. It’s like the notion of yoga pants outside their natural habitat has sent his brain on a fritz. So it’s worth it to wear yoga pants to the club just to see bros from the simple end of the spectrum so utterly confused.