As a blogger of the Cytherean planet and its surrounding stars, I would like to take a moment to thank the Greek system for making my job so easy. Thanks, University of Alabama, for only just now deciding to integrate your sororities. Thank you Rebecca Martinson for writing abusive, unhinged diatribes to your Delta Gamma sisters that amuse, appall, and reignite the important debate over whether colleges are meeting students’ mental health needs. Ladies of Tiger Inn at Princeton, your enthusiasm for swallowing goldfish in your quest for gender equality is appreciated in the shallower shoals of my soul. Professionally-motivated salutes and hugs all around.
But as a human being, I just want to ask you guys: What. The. Heck. Seriously, here is the latest evidence that if you are a sorority girl or an aspiring sorority girl with a burning desire to bang out that somewhat questionable email, you should maybe think twice. Or think once. Or do a fraction of a think—the cogitative bare minimum—before you confuse/annoy/vandalize the world with messages like this one, allegedly from an undergrad at Smith College, a private liberal arts school for women located in Northampton, MA.
“Hello, this is [a person] and I am sending this message to girls I think might be interested in this idea and I would also love to hear your opinion on this. so I have this crazy idea but tell me what you honestly think. I want to start a sorority at smith (Delta Gamma/DG), which would basically just be an exclusive group for straight girls, a little friend group.. We would have sorority mixers with Amherst men, weekly dinner dates, weekly photoshoots where we would dress up nice, baking nights.. We would also get Sorority apparel (even Lily Pulitzer has the cutest DG stuff!) and we’d have traditions, like every wednesday we wear pink haha. I got this idea because personally as a straight girl at Smith, I feel marginalized and I feel like the minority, and I think this could be a really great way to socialize with people we identify more with at smith, and to meet more guys.. The first mixer is already plnned, wih the Amherst bball team this Friday (actually their idea!) What do you think?”
That IS a crazy idea, [person]! I know I am not the intended recipient of your email, but I will tell you what I honestly think (you’re welcome!).
I think women of all sexual persuasions are equally likely to run screaming from Lily Pulitzer sorority apparel.
I think gay women probably enjoy mingling with male friends, having dinner, participating in photoshoots, dressing up, and baking as much as straight ones.
I think straight girls probably still outnumber gay girls at Smith College, so your plaint that you “feel marginalized and…like the minority” sounds like a veiled protest against the acceptance of a subgroup, not a cry of persecution.
I think if you reaallllly want to look out for other straight women, you can start by not assuming that they are all ultra-feminine creatures who love baking, socializing with big strong basketball players, and wearing pink every Wednesday.
I think you should try out Spellcheck! It doesn’t realize twerk is a word but otherwise it’s great.