Late last month, CNN published, then quickly rescinded an article declaring that “New research suggests that hormones may influence female voting choices differently, depending on whether a woman is single or in a committed relationship.” Slate has already published its guide to how all of us planned to vote heading into Election Day, but when we arrived at the polls, many of us at Double X got our periods, or found ourselves otherwise hormonally compromised. Here’s how our lady—and in one case, dude—business and relationship status ended up affecting our decisions in the voting booth:
Laura Anderson, assistant editor: My ballot was mostly soaked from all the tears I shed while wondering why I’m still single, so I just filled in the few bubbles that stayed dry.
Allison Benedikt, editor, Double X: I’m pregnant so forgot to vote. Is there still time? Do you have any ice cream?
Aisha Harris, Brow Beat assistant: I’m voting for Obama because he’s a black man married to a black woman and takes care of his kids, and that turns me on. Considering how often the media reminds me that I’m likely to be single and lonely forever, I need to grasp onto every bit of hope I can that I will one day find the Barack to my Michelle.
Laura Helmuth, science and health editor: I am voting for Romney because I am attracted to men who control vast economic resources and can thus provide reliable food and shelter for my offspring.
Amanda Hess, Double X contributor: Since I’m not ovulating this week, I’m finding myself really attracted to men with more feminine facial features. I voted for the guy with the least-square head: President Obama.
Juliana Jiménez, art intern: I’m staunchly pro-Obama but accidentally voted for Romney when I remembered all the manly sons he has and what an alpha male he is. My ovaries want many manly sons too.
J. Bryan Lowder, editorial assistant for culture: Obama because I think I have low testosterone and so do not feel masculine enough to compete in a winner-take-all society.
Amanda Marcotte, Double X contributor: I brought my cat into the voting booth with me and let her fill out my ballot.
Alyssa Rosenberg, Double X contributor: I got into a stupid argument last night, and in general am handling election stress poorly, so I wrote in Leslie Knope for D.C. City Council. While finishing a chocolate waffle. Slightly concerned that the whipped cream stains will mean that the voting machine won’t count my ballot right.
Hanna Rosin, founder, Double X: I was determined not to let it happen to me. All day I gripped three copies of my own book tightly against my chest and whispered to myself “I am strong. I have won,” over and over again. But then the hard cover against my tender ovulation phase breast reminded me that I am for half my life in fact not in control of my own mind. So I gave in and decided to vote for Obama. He’s the cute one, right?
Katy Waldman, assistant editor: I am voting for facial cleanser and a large piece of cheese.