Doonan

The Best and Worst of Oscar Fashion

Simon Doonan names the 10 most noteworthy looks of the night.

Watching pampered movie actors presenting each other with awards and blowing hot air up each other’s skirts is borderline unbearable. I alleviated the proctology by inaugurating my own system of awards.

The chic-est girl-of-the-night-award: Amy Adams in her clingy high-necked L’Wren Scott and giant Cartier bauble and bracelet. It was an old-school Lauren Bacall moment.

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Gwynny also looked pretty good in that silver Calvin Klein number.

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The spiffiest bloke-of-the-night-award: Russell Brand in his matchy black was the only standout in a sea of conventional tuxes.

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The great-but-so-high-fashion-it-will-definitely-get-pilloried-by-Joan-Rivers award: Cate Blanchett in her strangely fabulous Givenchy.

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The old-broad-still-rocking-it award: Sharon Stone in her feather-trimmed whoever-that-was.

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The you’re-much-too-young-to-look-so-conventional award: Jennifer Lawrence channeling Angie Dickinson circa 1980 in her unimpeachable Calvin Klein sheath.

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The maybe-my-boobs-are-tattooed award: Delicious Mila Kunis in her lacey Elie Saab.

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The rocking-a-new-look award: Oddly tousled Scarlett Johansson in her cranberry backless lace Dolce and Gabbana.

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The F-YOU award: Florence Welch looking defiantly hip and gorgeously dégagé in her Valentino.

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Jack on Will and Grace always maintained that good acting was only a function of good hair. Et voila! The niftiest-coiffure award: a tie between Michelle Williams, channeling Jean Seberg, and Cate Blanchett channeling Andy Warhol.

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The dared-to-wear-Dior award: Nicole Kidman, fabulously oblivious to the raging John Galliano scandal fou in her strapless bejeweled couture number. 

See you next year!

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