The XX Factor

Out With The Vampires, In With The Wolves

Oh, MTV. The meaningless acronym channel that killed Daria in favor of Date My Mom has latched onto the 1985 Michael Fox classic Teen Wolf . The film that taught us all about the joys and compromises of male puberty is in the hands of the network that made “Speidi” a household name. Happy Wednesday!

Yeah, I know, it makes sense. Just not to my heart. Mythological creatures are in, particularly the blood-sucking variety. (See: True Blood , Twilight .) Everyone likes a bit of escapism when the Dow is in the doldrums . And tweens have always loved their fantasy narratives. Junior high is dull. It’s much nicer to fantasize that the wan pixie stick of a boy in the corner has fangs a la Robert Pattinson rather than a serious case of social anxiety.

But when I read the network’s “vision” for the Teen Wolf remake, I can only see dancing feet on the grave of a sacred childhood gem:

It has a fresh take and is very different from the original,” said Liz Gateley, senior vp MTV series development. “It has more of an ‘American Werewolf in London’ feel to it. It’s a dramatic thriller with two best friends in the center who provide a great comedy element: They are two very relatable characters on the outer circles of popular cliques.”

Oh, phew. A fresh take. I’m picturing Hills -style narration, coupled with constant teen-to-wolf morphing montages to reworked Lady Gaga songs like “MYMYMYMYMYMYMY Hairy Face.” Accepting silver bullets to the heart now, please.

Image is a screenshot from the Teen Wolf trailer.