Jessica, my husband and I have been married for 15 years. Last weekend, we drove from Maryland to New Jersey and during the many hours of crawling in traffic we wrote a rap song together about the Delaware Toll Plaza. We stay up too late talking to each other. We hold hands at the movies. Since we’re in our fifties, sure we’ve talked about who’s going to get to pull each other’s plug-but eventually being able to do this honor is not why we’re together. So do not despair that marriage is an enterprise devoted to raising children, fighting over litterbox scooping duties, and holding the horror of fidelity over each other’s heads.
There are long-time married couples who still genuinely enjoy each other’s company and would be bereft without their spouse. I say this as someone who grew up in a home where my parents’ marriage required the police to be called in. So finding marriage to be an oasis has been one of life’s sweet surprises.