Andy Kindler

I got home from Boston late last night. I worked on yesterday’s diary until 8 this morning. I woke up a few hours later, feeling not at all rested. All day, I have wanted to lie down and take a nap. As I look at what I’m writing now, it could be argued that I am currently napping. In my dream life, I would wake up every day, early in the morning, refreshed. After calisthenics (what?), I would take my morning constitutional (huh?). Following a delicious breakfast of hotcakes, bacon strips, chilled tomato juice, and French press coffee, I would work on a script for an hour or two, and enjoy it. After a nap, I’d catch up on my phone calls. Everything would be filed, organized, and backed up on disk. There would be personal trainers, assistants, and chefs involved. I would use the word “prospectus” a lot.

My actual life is quite different. Let’s just take, for example, my system for returning phone calls. Each day, I write all the phone calls I receive down on a sheet of paper. After several days, I put them in a folder. After a month, I transfer them to a bigger folder. When I finally do call someone, I apologize for not having got back to them sooner. If I’m lucky, they’re not home, and I leave a message. When they call back, I make sure to write their name down on a sheet of paper.

This afternoon, as I do four days a week, I went to my tae kwon do lesson. I’ve been studying for three years, and the progress is slow. Maybe I should practice. I probably have discipline issues. When I was a kid, I studied classical violin for 12 years. About six months into it, I decided it wasn’t for me. It took me another 11 and a half years to back out, because I didn’t want to lose the approval of my violin teacher, my parents, and strangers who happened to be walking down the street, glancing in my direction. You could say my problem was low self-esteem, but that would ignore the abandonment issues.

Tonight, I performed stand-up at the Improv, a comedy club in Hollywood. My agent was putting on a talent showcase, which was attended by casting agents, development people, and other industry types. Development people, in case you don’t know, are in charge of making sure that nothing original gets on TV. I have placed myself in a difficult position careerwise. As usual, during my act, I was compelled to release the anger I feel toward an industry that blocks good ideas and constantly reaches for the lowest common denominator (which is then divided in half). At the same time, I wanted those people I can’t stand to like me and give me a lot of work. Tonight onstage, I really enjoyed myself. Tomorrow, I’ll call my agent to assess the damage.