Imagine you’re going on a first date with a prospective hottie. You meet them at the bar, hoping to make a connection, and you immediately discover that they’re dressed head to toe like a realistic rhino, jaguar, or maybe even a dolphin (blowhole and all). How would you react?
That’s the premise of Netflix’s latest foray into reality TV, Sexy Beasts. Each episode of the show—which is both a bastardization of real furry culture and a reboot of a 2014 BBC series—follows a hopeful single as they look for their “sexy beast” from a trio of contestants. All four of the singles featured in each episode wear elaborate prosthetics throughout their dates, in an attempt to promote “real connections” among its contestants, rather than allow them to focus on each other’s real, human looks.
Naturally, after watching all six half-hour episodes, we did what we had to do: rank all 24 of these sexy beasts from least to most sexy. These were our three main criteria: how well-made their prosthetic mask is; how likeable the person under the mask is, and how likely we are to go out with that person based on said mask and likability.
Below is what we came up with. Feel free to debate us in the comments.
24. Adam (The Mouse)
Unfortunately for audiences, Adam is one of the first people we meet in Sexy Beasts. While vying for the heart of Emma the Demon, Adam wears a furry mouse costume complete with pink nose and ears, dark eyeshadow, and long white hair. The costume itself isn’t too bad, especially compared to the literal monstrosities that compete for sexiest beast later in the series. In fact, it’s even kind of cute—but that’s not why Adam is last on this sexiness ranking. When he’s first introduced, he sets himself apart by sharing that he wears women’s perfume in order to better attract women. And while women’s perfume certainly smells sexier than Axe, the manipulative red flags only get worse from there. On his speed date with Emma, which is the first round of the show before one of the three contestants gets eliminated, he decides that it would be a good idea to mansplain to her what “banter” means. Needless to say, even the furry mouse face and British accent couldn’t save him from being an asshole—and definitely unsexy.
23. Dominic (The Mantis)
Poor Dominic. Another contestant like Adam, he definitely got the short end of the stick when it came to prosthetics. The model from London was transformed into a mantis, complete with black pincers instead of a mouth. In a notably creepy and questionable choice by the show’s producers, Dominic wears mantis eyes on either side of his head in addition to his uncovered human eyes. It’s all quite heavy-handed (and terrifying, to be honest). His green, leathery skin and antenna are similarly unnerving. To add insult to injury, his personality wasn’t a huge draw either. He spends much of his date boasting about being a prolific traveler. His most memorable vacation? A wet t-shirt contest during a spring break spent in Cancún.
22. Ethan (The Tin Man)
In the grand scheme of things, Ethan really isn’t that bad—until he is. For one, the tin man look is far from attractive: Something about rusty metal facial features just doesn’t scream “sexy,” insofar as any of these people do. And while most of the folks on the show are almost too-enthusiastic when it comes to winning over their deliberating dates, it’s hard to believe Ethan could be any less excited about the prospect of securing a second date with Kariselle the Panda. It shows: The conversations are almost painful, and Ethan’s unfiltered reactions to Kariselle’s conversations only make matters worse. Oh, and his most notable talent? He can hold his breath for four whole minutes. Riveting.
21. Bennett (The Mandrill)
“I’m weak for big boobs. I’m a boobs guy,” Bennett so eloquently states at his introduction. For being on a show whose goal is to divorce the physical from romantic relationships, Bennett is plenty concerned with physical appearance. (Unfortunately, he’s not the only one on the show to think that way. Stay tuned for more.) On his first date with Emma, he also tells her that he only “tries to be loyal,” which is needless to say, very unsexy if monogamy’s the goal. He does have one thing going for him, though: he tells his date that he finds constructive criticism sexy. Given how much of it there is, that’s a good thing. His mandrill mask is also really cool! The nose is bright as ever, to complement his long, flowing mane.
20. Archie (The Stone Man)
This sexy beast benefits from what is arguably the sexiest look in the show. His skin is transformed into smooth gray marble, chiseled to perfection. His potential partner even calls the look “godlike.” And while he did make it to round two in the fight to become the chosen sexy beast, it’s only after a painfully sexist speed date spent talking over or otherwise ignoring his date. So much for being committed to his “intuition.” We should’ve known, though, rather than let his Greek statue likeness fool us. Like Bennett, Archie is firmly set on his physical preferences. In his introduction interview, he says that one of his primary concerns is that women have a “big ole butt.”
19. Mick (The Rhino)
I’m sure there are some people who would find the holistic health practitioner from Los Angeles attractive. He meditates, is “in touch” with his inner self, and his rhino prosthesis—gray, wrinkly skin with a horn on his nose—is evidence for his literal horniness. But under all that rhino exterior, Mick is just a white boy obsessed with Taoist ideology (he mentions the yin-yang on at least one occasion) and something he calls “sex Kung Fu.” The result of his obsession is more questionable than sexy. Oh, and did I mention that he said he’s personally on “the hero’s journey to liberate humankind?” Swoon—not.
18. Kariselle (The Panda)
Given how intense she was throughout her episode, hopeless romantic Kariselle is really only this “high” up the list because pandas are cute, and her panda mask was also very cute. (The fact that she has a psychic also ups her sexy points.) Coming in at just a few spots under her failed date, Ethan, she’s simply so much. Outside of “Sexy Beasts,” she makes a living as a “party motivator,” and it’s clear why. Her energy is boundless and, while at first endearing, ends up becoming more concerning than anything else. From the very beginning, her number one goal is to find a husband. Indeed, when she chooses a sexy beast at the end, she asks him when the wedding will be. (Unsexy.) And, on one of her rapid dates, she tells her partner that her friends would describe her as “psychopathic.” Yes, it’s that bad. It’s no wonder her date ran away.
17. Tamiko (The Zombie)
Tamiko’s look features gruesome makeup complete with pale, deathly skin and gory zombie wounds. Pieces of shrapnel poke out from her skin, dripping fake blood over her small face. Unfortunately, we don’t see enough of Tamiko to convince us that she can pull off the unsettling look. In her defense, it would have taken a lot to overcome that image. The most notable thing about her, which we learned in her introduction, is that she’s into “bad boy Barack Obama,” which, in itself, is a questionable read on the former president.
16. Dustin (The Scarecrow)
A student from Texas, Dustin benefits from a smooth Southern drawl, a cowboy-adjacent lifestyle, and simple “country boy charm.” But he proves to offer little more than that. As good as he looks on paper, he’s largely awkward and silent on his dates. Much like the scarecrow whose image he evokes, he suffers from an unfortunately unsexy shyness. Poor guy.
15. James (The Beaver)
James is another one of those contestants way too concerned with looks—both others’ and his own. (His signature move is asking his date to feel his biceps, a move he apparently gets off on.) For someone with two- inch- long beaver teeth, that’s a difficult stance to take. At one point in his episode, for example, one of his dates rejects his suggestion that they kiss with his beaver teeth in the way. Unfortunately for James, it did not work out. It’s a good thing, though, as all the man wanted was a “great excuse to look at [the women’s] asses a bit.”
14. Kelechi (The Rooster)
His rooster look is just plain bad. “Lion-chicken-turkey,” one of the contestants calls him on their date. The very prominent red wattles (the skin that hangs down from a rooster’s beak) are just horrible, and the lion-like mane that covers his feathery face is nearly as bad. The whole look is such an extreme turn-off that it almost makes you wonder if the producers wanted to set the six-foot-three romantic hopeful up for failure. Maybe it was to offset his charming personality, but the result is to his detriment. He’s also most into first-person shooter video games, which is, I’m sorry to say, unsexy.
12. Karissa (The Troll)
The life coach from Texas loves biceps and handing out unsolicited advice. It’s sweet, truly, and her look is the most similar to that of a real person among all the sexy beasts. A very old, wrinkly person, sure, but a person nonetheless. Still, there’s nothing too memorable about her, hence this spot right in the middle.
12. Emma (The Demon)
The model-turned-red devil is fun, flirty, and ready to party. And she’s six feet tall, which is very cool. If only her look was a bit more forgiving: The focal point of her devil look, a prominent, claw-like chin, is borderline frightening. The horns and high cheekbones she’s decked out in are similarly so. Still, Emma endearingly seems to know her worth in the beginning—making an effort to engage and be honest with her dates—but by the end, her decisions are questionable. Although, with her three options all featured in the bottom five of this list, who can blame her?
11. Tyler (The Alien)
The (part-time) model and security guard from Los Angeles is fun and charismatic. The yellow and red alien prosthetics he wears—a cross between Megamind, Voldemort, and a fruit popsicle—features an oversized skull, ostensibly a sign of his superior intellect. But he’s full of himself to the point that even a really well-made alien head can’t save him. In his introduction, he claims that out of 10, his personality is at a “9.9999.” Yeah, no thanks. When he hits the woah during one of his monologues, it’s over for any sexiness he had going.
10. Martha (The Reindeer)
Reindeer are very cute. Martha’s reindeer, which featured a natural-looking head of human hair draping over the furry reindeer face, was also cute. The sales executive from Southampton really does have most things going for her, charisma included. The long, white, Gandalf-like beard that complements her deer face, though, is less cute.
9. Amber (The Pixie)
Amber’s pixie is less Tinkerbell and more Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy vibes, with blue skin, impossibly high cheekbones, and strong, angular makeup. Oh, and an exaggerated beehive reminiscent of Frankenstein’s wife. It’s clear that the fashion inspiration for her look is varied. Amber—who lives in North Carolina and works for the military—is endlessly confident and sure of herself, despite the off-putting guise. Sure, it’s sometimes to a fault, but it’s definitely a sign of sexiness. On the other hand, at times it’s too much (and a scary pixie isn’t super attractive).
8. Nina (The Dolphin)
Whoever thought it would be a good idea to attempt to make a realistic prosthetic of a dolphin for a person to wear was very, very, very mistaken. It’s incredibly unnerving to see Nina walk around with the entirety of a dolphin’s body planted on her head. Even worse is that the dolphin get-up also features a large, prominent blowhole in the middle of Nina’s forehead. (Not only is it kind of frightening, but it also opens up the door for plenty of bad, cringe-inducing innuendos from Nina and her potential suitors alike.) Still, the “adventurous and free-spirited” administrative assistant from San Diego benefits from an infectiously joyful personality that definitely boosts her sexiness, despite a highly unfortunate costume choice.
7. Lilly (The Witch)
The model and former scientist from London benefits from what few (if any at all) of the other contestants had: awesome accessories. Her bohemian witch’s costume goes beyond a mere nose ring to include a funky red hat, a sparkling silver hair chain, and an earring set to match. With those accessories—and Lilly’s bubbly, confident personality—even green, wart-ridden skin can be cute.
6. Cassie (The Frog)
The investment manager from Toronto is one of the only contestants to wear a prosthetic mask that features lips and red lipstick. The benefit to her look is almost so high that one can overlook the four-eye situation reminiscent of Dominic’s mantis. She also has that whole fairytale frog-to-princess thing going for her, which is a plus. Still, the Cornell alum is a bit shaky when it comes to how she talks about men, whom she wants to simply “grab … by the balls.”
5. Alexis (The Leopard)
The New Yorker is both a law student and singer, which is almost infinite sexy points. She also had the benefit of being dressed up like a leopard, which, for some reason, is just an objectively sexy animal. On her dates, she both sang songs on demand and kissed a beaver (beaver teeth and all). Good for her, I guess?
4. Josh (The Bull)
Nose rings and septum piercings are hot. Josh’s bull mask features exactly that, and luscious, orange, face-framing hair. The prosthetic—like Josh’s personality—is really fun, if not the most surprising relative to the animal he’s representing. Sure, the narrator calls him “safe and sensible,” but in a show this whacky, maybe that’s the real proof of sexiness.
3. Gabi (The Owl)
The veterinary student from West Virginia says she “loves animals more than people,” which, given how people are, especially some of the people on this show, makes sense. So, more power to her! The fact that she’s so upfront with her distaste for people in general (and her need to sleep in the same bed as her dog) is sexy. And while the hundreds of feathers that make up her owl costume could definitely use a lot of grooming, her personality and (accurate) stance on welcoming dogs into human beds far makes up for that fact.
2. Bella (The Dinosaur)
Maybe it’s the fact that she carries herself like the model she is, or that her experience as a motivational speaker has helped teach her the skills that you need to get people to like you, or maybe it’s just that she at one point lived in Miami (and, as a local, I’m biased towards that), but Bella can truly make an otherwise ugly dinosaur look work. The vibrant, green and blue prosthetic features an unsettling bird-like beak and a massive crest, yet Bella pulls it off. The fact that she can somehow do that while wearing such a strange and unsettling costume is a true testament to her sexiness. (She’s also good at catching things at sports games, which is also sexy.)
1. Ibrahim (The Wolf)
Some wolves can be sexy. There, I said it. And this professional dancer and graffiti artist from New York City is one of those wolves. While the fact that he last had a relationship in 2014 is a little bit of a red flag—or a massive red flag, depending on how you look at it—he’s one of the few men on this show who seem to genuinely be concerned with meeting new people for the sake of connection. At the very least, he’s a lot less overtly sexist than the other Sexy Beasts contestants, and for hitting that bare minimum, he wins my heart. Of course, I am talking about a guy who willingly chose to wear a furry wolf suit on television in an attempt to find romance, so then again, maybe not.