Tesla and SpaceX founder Elon Musk hosted Saturday Night Live this week, and managed to cleanly exceed expectations—not that they were very high—in his opening monologue. Here’s his full monologue, featuring a Mother’s Day cameo from Musk’s very own mom, Maye Musk.
Nobody’s going to give Musk a standup special anytime soon, but he avoided a Steve Forbes- or Donald Trump-level fiasco and got a few solid laughs. Here are Musk’s jokes, including the ones he and his mom delivered together, ranked from “Actually Funny” to “Huh!”
• A lot of times people are reduced to the dumbest thing they ever did. Like one time, I smoked weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast. And now all I hear all the time is, “Elon Musk, all he ever does is smoke weed on podcasts,” like I go from podcast to podcast lighting up joints. It happened once. It’s like reducing O.J. Simpson to “murderer.” It happened one time! Fun fact: O.J. also hosted this show in ’79. And again in ’96. Killed both times.
• Look, I know I sometimes say or post strange things but that’s just how my brain works. To anyone I’ve offended, I just want to say, “I reinvented electric cars and I’m sending people to Mars on a rocket ship. Did you think I was also going to be a chill, normal dude?”
• Sometimes after I say something I have to say, “I mean that,” so people really know that I mean it already. That’s because I don’t always have a lot of intonation or variation in how I speak. Which I’m told makes for great comedy.
That’s Our Elon!
• SNL is also a great way to learn something new about the host. For example, this is my son’s name. [Chyron reading “X Æ A-Xii” appears.] It’s pronounced, “Cat running across keyboard.”
• I’d first like to share with you my vision for the future. I believe in a renewable energy future. I believe that humanity must become a multi-planet, spacefaring civilization. Those seem like exciting goals, don’t they? I think if I just posted that on Twitter, I’d be fine. But I also write things like, “69 days after 4/20 again haha.” I don’t know, I thought it was funny. That’s why I wrote “haha” at the end.
• I’m actually making history tonight as the first person with Asperger’s to host SNL. Or at least the first to admit it. So I won’t make a lot of eye contact with the cast tonight. But don’t worry, I’m pretty good at running “Human” in emulation mode.
• Maye: You turned that video game about space into reality.
Elon: Unless you consider that our reality may be a video game and we’re all just computer simulations being played by a teenager on another planet.
• Another thing people want to know is what was I like as a kid? The answer is, “Pretty much the same as now, but smaller.”
• Elon: Mom, do you remember when I was 12 and I created my own video game called Blastar about a spaceship that battles aliens?
Maye: I do. I remember they paid you $500. But you were too young to open a bank account so I had to open one for you.
Elon: That’s right, whatever happened to that bank account?
Maye: That’s not important.
• One reason I’ve always loved SNL is because it’s genuinely live. A lot of people don’t realize that. We’re actually live right now. Which means I can say something truly shocking, like, “I drive a Prius.”
• Maye: I’m excited for my Mother’s Day gift. I just hope it’s not dogecoin.
Elon: It is.